The Ego, Superego and __

The Affliction of the Feeling leaves Me Wanting More

2011-12-29T10:44:00.000+08:00

Yeah, I know, I koped that from Rihanna.

The past year has been insane, and fittingly so. Of course, there were the usual highs and lows, the good and bad, blah blah blah. However, in the long term, the ones that stay with us are all the great times that we share with those whom we care about.

Dreamers need realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And realists need dreamers so they can get off the ground.

For too long, I met realists who told me that 'we live in the real world', 'we don't need to dream', 'behave as you would for the rest of your life', 'make no mistakes for life is meant to be perfect'...and you know something?

We're still young. We're free to experiment as we want to. We're free to behave in any manner that we want to. Because we're entitled to make mistakes before we start meeting that next generation which regard our mistakes as the highest form of betrayal. People only has the right to demand so much out of you as they do themselves. Making mistakes is not our folly; it is our prerogative.

I still do give serious thought to the future. I would like to think that in the future, I would look back at my youth and said, "Yes, I had lived, before all this rheumatism nonsense."

When is the time to stop living? Well, the answer's in the question.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Baila para tú Papi

2011-12-08T11:21:00.000+08:00

Move your body, move your body
Dance for your papi
Rock your body, rock your body,
Dance for your papi

This song just recently overtook Alejandro, and for obvious reasons.

Ok, if it's NOT OBVIOUS ENOUGH, I can spell it in two words: J LO.

I don't care that she's like nearing 50. She's still smokin' hot. I will dance for that mami any time.

Heck, she makes driving a Fiat 500 so sexy, I once saw a tweet which attributed all Fiat 500s on the road to her.

You Are Salsa Dancing

You are expressive, dramatic, and passionate. When you dance, you dance your heart out.
You are outgoing and willing really put it all out there. You don't have a shy bone in your body.

In fact, it's probably hard to hold yourself back from dancing. When you hear good music, you want to move.
You think people need to get out of their heads more and hit the dance floor. Dancing is one of life's pure joys.

What's Your Dance Style?

What Do You Hold Dear?
Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

A Guilty Confession

2011-12-01T17:13:00.000+08:00

Okay, I have to say it.

Every guy has a Latina chick who he had a schoolboy crush on during his pubescent years. A sort of trigger for a guilty pleasure reserved for the growing curiosity of a growing male.

If I'm that kid today, it's might be Sofia Vergara. She's my newest crush right now, but I am not that pubescent boy and she was not that chick.

Neither is it Jennifer Lopez, but bless those magnificent cheekbones and that as-

Well, you get my point.

No, mine's Shakira. Like "totally smokin' hot hot hot hot hotter hyperventilating open the windows quick open my the doors" Shakira.


HELLO NURSE!

Before I sign off, here's a music video, down memory lane :D

Just tell me why you're here and who you are

2011-12-01T13:44:00.000+08:00

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see

I'm in love with this song, especially 'cos it has special significance to me personally. It once served as a sort of emotional trigger for me, marking the end of one love and the start of another.

Ok, to put things in context, I saw it in American Pie 2, where the guys were preparing for their big night with their girls. They started to reassess whether these girls truly mean as much to them as they think they do.

Heck, that doesn't make sense. I just like this song lah.

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that's alright because I love the way you lie

2011-11-29T09:27:00.000+08:00

It's so insane 'cos when it's going good, it's going great

I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane

New Moon #alexanderdesplatrox

2011-11-21T10:37:00.001+08:00

I like listening to the New Moon score. Sings like a tragedy.

Don't call my name, Alejandro

2011-11-08T18:00:00.002+08:00

You know that I love you boy
Hot like Mexico
Rejoice
At this point I've gotta choose
Nothing to lose

I was crazy with this song a while back. It's just one of those catchy songs you never really bother finding out the meaning to.

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?

2011-11-02T18:50:00.001+08:00

Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find

That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

This video's really cute. Maybe 'cos it's Taylor Swift. Or Lucas Till.

Once you think you think you got it, you can't touch it

2011-10-30T16:17:00.004+08:00

Wanna let my hair down, get out on the town
DJ turn it up nice and loud

Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my poker face

2011-10-16T23:11:00.001+08:00

Haha I've reached the first Top 25 that does not have a music video (BAM - Miranda Cosgrove and Brother, My Brother - Blessid Union of Souls). Next down the list with a music video is the 2008 hit, Poker Face.

Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun

I kinda got addicted to this song in 2009. Some funny reason behind that.

Daddy Issues

2011-10-08T13:23:00.000+08:00

Of all the things you've considered your dad, "a person" was never one of them. Maybe it's the letters, or the diploma, or maybe it's these but you realize he's a guy. A guy who's had fears, desires, hopes, disappointments. He has no idea what comes next, but he's doing his best to figure it out. He's you.

One does not turn 22 every year

2011-09-20T20:42:00.000+08:00

A couple of years ago, I had worried that one of these years, my birthday may keep piling and piling up, and one day it will just come tumbling down simply 'cos it cannot manage to keep up the momentum anymore.

Not this year.

A gathering of close friends, a night of drinks and fun...somewhat spiraled out of control, but that's the allure of the unknown, isn't it? I had the greatest fun I had in a long while now, and that was what matters.

Here's to another great year. Kinship, friendship, love.

They try to change me but they realize they can't

2011-09-15T23:12:00.001+08:00

I wanna fly,I wanna drive,I wanna go

I wanna be a part of something I don't know

And if you try to hold me back I might explode

Baby, by now you should know

This song is awesome in its own way. Even though it seems like Miley's gone starkers, she's still inspiring. Every time I hear it, I'm tempted to pull a crazy black bird routine.

Maybe one day, I might actually go crazy black bird. Rawr.

You're all the girl that I've ever dreamed

2011-09-14T10:30:00.000+08:00

Any girl walk by, don't matter
Every time you're looking better
I think you're perfect
There ain't nothing I would change

I've liked this song for quite a long while now. Especially in the emotional highs when I sometimes turn blind to the entire world 'cos I only had my eyes for someone :)

Tell me have you seen her 'cos I can't get her off my brain

2011-09-12T11:20:00.000+08:00

Love me, hate me, say what you want about me

But all the boys and all the girls are begging to if you seek Amy

Wanna venture a guess as to why this is my 4th top most-played song in iTunes? ;)

I wanna show all the dirt I got running through my mind

2011-09-11T22:47:00.002+08:00

Be a little inappropriate

'Cause I know that everybody's thinkin' it

When the lights' out

Sometimes, you just want that release. To say "fuck you, you're cool, I'm out". Sometimes, you just gotta go for it :)

If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?

2011-09-09T10:08:00.000+08:00

'Cause, you feel like paradise
And I need a vacation tonight

This song is tied at most played with 'Because You Live' for most occasions. As it is a relatively new song, only time will tell if it stays up there. Still, watching the music video always gets my heart pounding and my blood rushing :)

Because you live, I live

2011-09-08T22:39:00.001+08:00

I'm so glad I found an angel, someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes

This song has been my most played song for a few years. Even with the many reorganizations of my music library which reset the play count, I apparently can't seem to get enough of this song.

'Cause you're the only one within my heart

2011-08-24T20:00:00.000+08:00

If only you were here tonight
I know that we could make it right

Just wondering...

2011-08-19T22:03:00.000+08:00

Was watching the above video, the first episode of Every Singaporean Son - The Epilogue, when something amusing struck me.

What if I do actually had some proper chain of command to be subjected to during my National Service? Not that I did not have any, but with all your fellow NSFs being enlistees and none ranked 3SG and above (there was one exception only), the only orders came mostly from civilian superiors and what few military regular officers we have. Usually when conversing with other officers from other units, I have direct backing of my superior, a major, so I did not exactly mince my words if my boss needed something from them.

And going by my physicality and tendency to not follow orders, I would not likely have made specialist or officer, so I would have still remained an enlistee in a combat setting.

Haha, would an NSF specialist have found out my 'creative streak' and tried to train it out of me? Or would it have to be escalated to an NSF officer? Perhaps I would have well-adjusted, and maybe emerge out of NS a lot more meek?

Sometimes I wonder...I seriously do.

Memories of a fire

2011-08-12T21:32:00.000+08:00

If there was once a fire and it's been extinguished, what do you see?

The blackened stump, or the memory of a fire burning fiercely there?

Crush

2011-07-13T22:08:00.000+08:00

It is essential that those around you are prepared to comply with your wishes.

2011-07-13T00:27:00.001+08:00

Almost been 2 years since I last did ColorGenics...interesting to see the changes since then.

You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

At this time you 'need to be needed' and again you 'need to need'. You have had this feeling for some time now and you are looking for someone who could share a close bond in an atmosphere of shared intimacy. You have the belief that with the right person you could conquer the world.

You know what you want and you are very dogmatic and demanding - especially in your emotional demands. You have specific ideas and beliefs and if these beliefs are not realised you can become extremely frustrated. You may not be that perfect but you are looking for perfection with the perfect partner.

You are trying to prove yourself - not only to yourself but also to everyone around you. There is much that you would like to say and do but the situation warrants self-restraint and that is the last thing that you have on your mind. It would seem that you have an unsatisfied need to ally yourself with others whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to stand out from the crowd. This is subjecting you to considerable stress but you tend to stick to your attitudes despite lack of appreciation. Of course, you are finding the situation uncomfortable and would like nothing better but to break away from it but you don't like the idea of compromise. Your main problem is that you are unable to resolve the situation because you continually postpone making the necessary decisions. You feel that if you make the wrong choice this would lead to such opposition that you would not be able to command the esteem of others. It is essential that those around you are prepared to comply with your wishes.

You really like doing what you do and, more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that 'If its not fun - then don't do it'. You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but for what you are - and it seems to be working.

Because you live, hold it against me if you seek Amy

2011-07-06T00:10:00.000+08:00

I found that certain songs resonate during certain periods.

During such occasions, these songs strike at my soul, or even at moments when I thought I had already forsaken it.

Songs of being lovestruck, of ecstasy or of longing...
They trigger passion, rage, sadness or cheerfulness...
Sometimes, they inspire actions of which I remain proud of in the years to come, or those which I regret heavily...

But on other times, the very same songs evoke nothing.

I guess this is why these songs reflect the emotional roller-coaster that eventually stretches to represent my life thus far. Most exemplified by my 'Most Played List':

I Wanna Go

2011-06-15T21:32:00.000+08:00

I wanna go all the way

Taking out my freak tonight

I wanna show

All the dirt

I am running through my mind

Blast from the Past: Silence Falls Again

2011-06-02T23:39:00.001+08:00

The following was posted on 10 January 2008, after Chris and Stanley enlisted and before I was next:

2 going in today, and 3 more to go (plus Yours Truly).

I wish half-naked guys I never knew can stop sending moi Facebook friend requests. Same goes for imeem users. Worse when this lao chao bor send moi a Friendster request with everything to see on her profile.

Sialah, auntie! Have you no shame!? So old liao still posing like that!

Did I mention that when I took Bus 16 ytd, the bus driver took a wrong drive at the Stadium, go on the wrong side of the Nicoll Highway, and then make one big U-turn at the + Junction which was so unglamorously handled. I just sat back and relaxed, waiting for typical Singaporean behavior to surface and someone to start compraining...but nay, there weren't any.

Ah well.

Here's a survey to do; then it's back to whatever you are doing. (Note that the shes/hes are there so that members of both sexes can do this...I'm not liking a hermaphrodite)

What is the name of the person you Love?:
Can't say
Does she/he love you back?:
Dunno
What do you love about this person?:
Everything
Is there anything you would want to change?:
Nothing
Does she/he make you smile?:
Yep
Do you laugh when you think of her/him?:
Yep
Is she/he on your mind all the time?:
Yep
Do you think you'll ever be able to have her/him?:
I hope so :)
If not, what is holding her/him back from liking you?:
What do you see when you look into her/his eyes?:
A possible future
What would you give for this person?:
Everything
How far would you go for this person?:
Beyond the horizon
Do you just want to cry because you cant have her/him?:
Maybe
Do you get sad when she/he is?:
Yea
Do you like anyone else?:
Of course lah...I like my family members and fwens wat
Would you marry this person?:
Dun see a need to
Do you think you would have a good marriage?:
Hope so
Want to have kids with her/him?:
Maybe...would be a nice bonus
What's her/his best feature?:
To be honest, I can't say
If she/he was ugly would you love her/him anyways?:
Yea
Love or sex?:
Love
What would you do if she/he died?:
I would either kill myself or live out the rest of my life in eternal sorrow
If you could tell her/him one thing what would it be?:
How far I would go for you
Does she/he consider you a friend?:
Think so
What made you like her/him in the first place?:
To be honest, I dun even know
Would you give her/him up for anyone else?:
Never
If she/he liked you what do you think she/he would like?:
Hm...myself?
Would you die for this person?:
Definitely
In one word describe her/him?:
Unique
Does she/he take your breath away:
Definitely

Waves and Memories

2011-05-31T23:26:00.000+08:00

If a stone splashes into the sea, do the waves it make crash into the shore?

If something happened, do the memories it leave behind mean anything?

There is no doubt.

2011-05-30T10:29:00.000+08:00

There is no doubt. Doubt cannot penetrate his armour.

There is only certainty.

There is no doubt. There is only Vader.

Blame me, but I am no angel

2011-05-29T21:50:00.001+08:00

I haven't taken to careful contemplation recently. The gift of silence ever eludes me, while the Past hangs at the back of my mind like a wraith. The clue of the clawed hand teases me ever closer towards the answer, but I'm no nearer than I was. A bloodshot eye oozing with evil stares back at me, unmoving, but may I fall under its spell if I look into its depths one moment too long?

You Hold Love Dear

You are a truly loving person. You are affectionate and warm-hearted.
You are affirming and supporting. You accept people where they are, imperfections and all.

You are naturally complimentary and encouraging. You are generous with praise.
You are sympathetic. You naturally have a lot of empathy for everyone around you.

You Love Change

You have a restless heart, and you get sick of the same old routine. You don't just love change, you crave it.
You are a free spirit and a wanderer. You never feel settled in your life, and you're okay with that.

You just want to get out there and experience the world. You don't want to be tied down at this point in your life.
You move on to the next thing freely and without regrets. Life is about change.

Do You Hate Change?
Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

You Are A Good Person

You are very liable and charming. People simply enjoy being around you.
You are trusting by default. You give everyone you meet the benefit of the doubt.

You believe in yourself and in others as well. A lot can come from giving someone the benefit of the doubt.
You love to bond with others. Your happiest moments are when you're around other people.

The Window Test
Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

Happy Summer

2011-04-28T21:34:00.004+08:00

Maybe it's a bit gay to have 4 guys sharing an island all to themselves. They already have their arms all over one another. LOL

私は日本人です

2011-03-17T20:25:00.002+08:00

I was horrified when I first knew that a 9.0-magnitude earthquake had struck Japan on Friday, and as scenes of the devastation caused by the tsunami sweeping through Sendai played on television, I felt utterly heart-broken.

I had always felt I was a little Japanese myself. Mind you, I can't even complete one sentence in Japanese fluently. It goes deeper than that. It may have been 'cos the conditions of my birth, tying me to its rich culture and traditions, or perhaps because I identify to their beliefs and their way of life.

Regardless of how certain netizens may want to twist our leaders' encouragement out of context even in a situation such as this, I cannot help but really admire and feel proud for the Japanese for their stoicism in the face of such a calamity. The strength with which they face this crisis is truly something that Singaporeans can and should learn. Indeed, one can feel proud to say "私は日本人です".

This is not a time for cynicism, nor is it the time for despair. This is a time for us to exercise, not merely show nor express, our humanity. For now, I will do what I can. Once the situation stabilizes, I hope to be able to do something more tangible.

Down the Past's driveway to the tune of Jesse McCartney and Michelle Branch

2011-03-06T12:04:00.003+08:00

When I listen to Jesse McCartney, I cannot help but think of the past. To remember. Probably 'cos the last Jesse album was released and played on the airwaves during a time that was particularly traumatic for me.

I remember the feelings of abandonment; of staring out at the rain with a heavy heart, like it's the end of the world. I was looking for answers.

Then came the resentment that followed the eventual realization that I was chasing something that would never be in my reach in the first place. I ran out of words, I ran out of time, I ran out of reasons for why I even bother, to move on and no longer care anymore about what I once tripped over missing.

For a brief period, it was dark. Lonely. Who cared then if I had to stay up in the middle of the night in a frigid guardroom looking to check-in visitors who wouldn't be coming in in the first place?

I looked to the computer for entertainment. American Pie 2. Hm. Haha, funny.

"When I'm awake, you're never there. When I'm asleep, you're everywhere."

Could what I suspected have been right? It seemed so certain now, and so ludicrous to question it then, but I felt then it was incredulous to have even thought it then.

As I lay asleep, troubled, that night, a message from afar sealed the truth. It answered the question, created a bond forged by a secret, and opened up a new door for the future.

From then on, I hardly looked back. If I do, it was only to remind myself of the pain I felt then.

you Will when you Believe

2011-02-28T13:08:00.001+08:00

26 February 2011. The culmination of 1.5-month of planning for an event to formally mark the end of an 8-month journey as we take the next step into another.

It was certainly not easy. There was much sweat, tears and blood shed. Disagreement come hand in hand with every agreement. "Building consensus" requires a lot more effort than "allowing confrontation".

Yet, when it came down to it, these are moments which make or break people. It is these milestones that show a team's true worth; as a whole or as individuals, strengths and weaknesses, selflessness or vanity.

The low point was just before the ceremony, when my trust was exhausted and my spirit was in a dark place. At that time, I told myself that all I had left was just Hope.

Perhaps, that was just all we need. It's like the song we used in our video montage;

Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could

Each of us will find moments in times like this that affect us deeply.

For me, the most powerful moment of the evening was right after thanking my mother in my thank-you speech (I had only told her I would be thanking the audience, but did not discuss the contents). I thanked her for being an inspiration to me, to push me to commit myself to the community selflessly without seeking fortune, fame or glory. I walked back, amidst the applause, to my seat at the VIP table to see a smiling SM Goh shaking my teary mother's hand, softly saying, "Well done, congratulations.".

Yes, we will when we believe.

All I Want for Christmas is You

2010-12-24T23:11:00.003+08:00

i just want you for my own

more than you could ever know

make my wish come true

all i want for Christmas is you

Such Stuff as Dreams are Made On

2010-12-18T21:21:00.001+08:00

I've been rather busy for the past month, but since the year is coming to an end, I think it's good to slow down and ~~bitch~~ take stock of the past year. I usually chronicled the momentous occasions of the past year in year-end reviews which are somehow usually cleaned away by the mid-year cleanup that removed posts through certain keywords, like 'kill the wabbit' and 'morbid obesity'. I had no idea how those words end up in the previous year-end reviews but in any case, I will strive to keep this post angst-free.

Three major periods mark this year; the lame-duck period in NS (Jan - Mar), restlessness between NS and University (Mar - July) and the beginning of a new phase (August - ).

Looking back at those last few months of NS, I kinda miss that period of doing almost absolutely nothing i.e. being a lame duck. After all, without the need for extra commitments, I allowed myself to embark on certain part-time academic pursuits in the office, such as reading The Prince or Impressions of the Goh Chok Tong Years during my working hours (no doubt in the process scandalizing the colleagues who had always upheld that I did not work to deserve my position) or conducting social experiments (some of which were wildly successful, to my great disappointment). The following is an excerpt of my ORD message, which pretty much sums up the most important takeaway I had from the past 2 years (photos added, duh!):

In some ways, perhaps our adventures over 2 years (or in future) are in microcosm, Harry Potter's adventures - not quite polarized on a left/right, right/wrong axis, but rather a confluence of light, dark and grey. Ultimately, I have faith that the voice of reason will ring the loudest, and then, no matter how dark the situation is, even the metaphorical Voldemort shall prove mortal once more.
-Min Hao (my senpai)

I think it's fitting that I end off my reflections with a comparison mirroring my upperstudy's. While he wrote of conquering the metaphorical Voldemort, I beg to differ; the Voldemorts are not the real danger to us that we have to overcome. Voldemort, fundamentally and ultimately, was only a man, and by embodying pure evil, he is visible and can be conquered (even if it does take a 'Chosen One' to do so). Instead, it's the metaphorical Dolores Umbridges, the stiffed-necked sycophants stubbornly clinging on to extinct and cancerous mindsets beyond all rhyme or reason, among us that are the biggest dangers of all. ... They are an insidious threat that, no matter how hard you go down on them, you can never truly vanquish. Here is my challenge ... ; if you know this system is rotten, and the people filling its cracks and gaps are the culprits actually eroding its integrity, make a difference. Within your means and capabilities, as in individual or together as a team, within clearly-defined boundaries or out of them once they've blurred, rid the system of the Dolores Umbridges.

'Nuff said.

NS Brothers

I don't believe my feelings about how hopelessly misguided the place is should adversely affect the personal ties I have shared there. That is why I still go back at times, mostly to have lunch with QX and Linan, or, most memorably, on a cohesion with my senpai. The brotherhood that I have become a part of has turned what could have been a lingering chain of animosity with so vile an establishment into an enduring bond of friendship from the most wonderful 2-year period of my life and beyond.

Perhaps what many guys do look out for is the 'freedom' that follows ORD. A great many found, to their great disappointment, that they traded one chain of command for another, while others realized it is not the earth-shattering transition decades of fueling the ORD myth has made it out to be. In any case, for me, the period between ORD and Convocation (that's what SMU calls the ceremony starting our life in university) was filled with activities I always wanted to do for the past 2 years, such as embarking on NextGen Leadership Programme (NGLP) and (finally) beginning my driving lessons. I took my first steps into the sphere of formal community work, making friends with like-minded passionate individuals and working together as a team.

The amusing thing about pre-Convocation SMU life is that it does not necessarily present a very accurate picture of how in-campus SMU life is really like. It is like the calm before the proverbial storm, when everyone is encouraged and usually signs up for every programme within reach. Most of us clear our compulsory 80-hour CSP hours before we even attend our inaugural class, and already made at least 3 circles of friends before we even go through the fires of our first project work.

Convocation marked the end of that honeymoon period. School brought with it many surprises, both pleasant and not. Like NS, one has to learn the ropes, and fast. Our schedule packed full of lessons and meetings, it eventually sank in that we cannot realistically expect to go shopping everyday. It is a very competitive environment where GPA looms and projects are a very integral part of our student life, whether we like it or not.

Project Kinderfly, LTB

I have been extremely fortunate that I had great teammates in all my projects, whether it may be LTB, CT, RMSS, AS or US. Great team spirit goes a long way in making projects tolerably enjoyable at the very least, and the friendships you forge from such teamwork will endure. In a way, while it may be tiring running across campus from project meeting to project meeting, I sincerely appreciate this aspect of our student life because it has reinforced to me the invaluable lesson that we benefit when we have an open mind to learn from others, and an open heart to befriend others.

Projects should not be the only avenue one makes friends in school, though. Every time you join a new activity, whether is it CCA or a class, do not pass up the chance to say 'hi' to someone new. It may be that guy with whom you share the same class on all five days but somehow never actually worked with on any class activity, or that girl you passed by every Wednesday in the underground who you are starting to think is quite cute. It may be that guy who also likes the game he saw you playing on your laptop, or the girl who had a thing or two to say about the book you're reading at the bench. A small step goes a long way. You may never know what it may lead to.

You Are Balanced

You are a peaceful and content person. You don't ask too much of yourself or those around you.
You are confident and self-assured. You never try to be someone you're not - you believe that you are enough.

You have a healthy skepticism about the world. You don't buy into a lot of mainstream values.
You've found a better way to live - through deep reflection and understanding yourself.

Are You Bouncy, Bold, Behaved, or Balanced?

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

Your Color is Red

You are a passionate person with a big personality. There's always a lot of excitement in your life.
You are usually the center of attention, and you can't say that you mind!

You are confident and likely successful. You attract recognition and respect.
You're the type of person who gets to work when you get angry. You have a lot of energy to spare.

What's Your Feng Shui Color?

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

You Are a Hardcover Book

When it comes to reading, you tend to stick to old and modern classics. You are picky about what you read.
You probably anticipate certain books' releases, and you snatch them up the moment they're available.

You have been building a library of books that mean a lot to you. You carefully consider every book before deciding to add it to your collection.
You believe that if a book is worth reading, it's worth paying more to have it in hardcover.

Are You a Hardcover Book or a Paperback Book?

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

Your Four Sided Personality is ASCG

Side 1 of your personality is assured. You carry yourself with confidence and demand attention.

Side 2 of your personality is straightforward. You don't stretch the truth, and you take things as they come.

Side 3 of your personality is cool-headed. You aren't swayed by emotional appeals.

Side 4 of your personality is gregarious. You love to meet and converse with all sorts of people.

The Four Sided Personality Test

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

Everywhere

2010-11-15T23:19:00.002+08:00

And when I touch your hand

It's then I understand

The beauty that's within

It's now that we begin

You always light my way

I hope there never comes a day

No matter where I go

I always feel you so

Visit to the National Museum: Pompeii and Presidential Presents

2010-10-18T21:46:00.001+08:00

Went to the National Museum with QX on the opening day of the Pompeii: Life in a Roman Town 79CE as well as to check out Presidential Presents: State Gifts from 1962 - 2009. While queuing up, I vaguely recalled that SMU students had free admission to museums, and so I informed the counter that I'm one. Turns out we still do get free admission.

My initial impression of the Pompeii exhibit was that it was rather eerie, with the casts of bodies curled up lining the entrance and haunting AC2-style music playing in the background. While these were just casts of the actual excavated bodies from Pompeii, one tends to forget that these were people who died in those positions and remained so for eternity. Notwithstanding the fact that it's sited next to a volcano, Pompeii, of course, had all the makings of a Roman town; the baths, the marketplaces, a gladiatorial arena the equivalent of our National Stadium (by the way, I can now watch its steady demolition from my house!) etc. Pompeii is also a rather well-off town, with all the trappings of upper-middle class Roman society. I can almost imagine Pompeii was just your typical tranquil Roman town, with all its intrigue and bustle.

The hellish atmosphere of the volcanic eruption is one Singaporeans can only imagine, considering our good fortune that we don't have any volcanoes on our island home. Of course, the closest we've come to experiencing volcanic fallout is back when Pinatubo erupted back in 1991 and ash was carried all the way to Singapore. Though I was pretty young then, my mom is still able to recount to me about how it left a thick coat of ash on cars back then. In a way, our geographical placement is most fortunate for we need not suffer the worst of nature's disasters. All in all, Pompeii provided a very thought-provoking look into a victim of nature's fury.

The Presidential Presents exhibit is held at the balcony of the museum on the 2nd level. It showcases some of the gifts given to the President, in his capacity as head of state, by foreign leaders or their representatives. The gifts dated from all the way back to when Yusof bin Ishak occupied the Istana as the Yang-di Pertuan Negara till today when S.R. Nathan currently sits as the 6th President. On display were ornate ceremonial weapons like keris and exquisite vases from countries both in the East and the West. According to the informational pamphlet, each gift was supposed to hold several meanings which contributes to the positioning of the gift and its status in diplomacy. QX said that was to mean that the make of the gift, such as the value of the material within the giver's country, is significant in determining the value of the two countries' bilateral relationship in the eyes of the giver.

With regard to the President, my view is that his current role has not differed much from the days before Ong Teng Cheong, back when the President played a largely ceremonial role and was elected by Parliament. Though changes were made in 1991 to expand the President's powers to give him reserve powers over the government's use of reserves and appointments to key public offices, he is still bound by requirements to consult the Cabinet or the Council of Presidential Advisors (nearly half of which is appointed by the PM) when exercising a certain of those powers. This legal requirement becomes a political lightning rod when it comes to sensitive issues like presidential pardons, for instance, as to whether was it really presidents who granted pardons or the cabinets.

The President of Singapore, like most heads of state in other countries, is a symbol of the nation. As the president does perform certain symbolic roles, like appointing the cabinet, he is is explicitly required by the law to be politically neutral i.e. not (or no longer) belonging to any political party. This, among others, is supposed to be determined by the Presidential Elections Committee (PEC) so as to confirm the suitability of candidates running for the Presidential office. To be fair, it seems that past presidents have a record of being pro-establishment at one point or another. For instance, Yusof bin Ishak was a very important ally of LKY back in the struggle for independence, and Ong Teng Cheong, the first elected president, was a former DPM and one of the potential candidates to succeed LKY as PM.

As the people vote for a person at presidential elections and not a political party, the mandate of the people is directly invested in one person. As such, there can be immense amount of respect for the revamped office, but only if the people can exercise their vote for a candidate of their own choosing and not be subjected to walkovers. It is difficult to regard a president as elected by the people if he was swept into it on the basis that there are not other candidates deemed suitable by the PEC.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that Mr. S.R. Nathan does not have the mandate of the people. If he was subjected to a vote, he might still have been quite likely to get elected, given that a majority will more likely go for the government-endorsed candidate as seen by the 1991 election, no matter how thin the margin may be. The difference is the means, not the end. People are not interested in extrapolations, but want to feel involved in the participatory process.

There was once a piece by ChannelNewsAsia, following the withdrawal of John Edwards from the 2008 Democratic Presidential primaries and leaving only Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton in the race, exploring the possibility of whether could Singapore possibly have a woman president, and a poll found that people are receptive to the idea, though the reactions vary by gender.

I would like to think that Singaporeans are already past that; we already have presidents of all races and religions, whereas there was a huge controversy in the US over whether could Barack 'Hussein' Obama be Muslim or not. Logically, we should be able to accept a female president. Sure, there may still be reservations if a member of the minority race is chosen for PM (as shown by the case of Dhanabalan), but the president's role, after all, is still largely ceremonial with a few reserve powers at his/her disposal.

Of course, that's just me. It remains to see whether would the people still vote in a member of the minority race or woman as their president.

You Dream of a Beautiful Life

There's a good chance that your life has gotten a little too plain and vanilla lately.
You'd really like your days to be a little brighter and more inspired. You need more beauty!

Aesthetics and style are very important to you. You try not to let too much ugliness into your house.
It's likely that you have your dream house, dream car, dream view, and dream wardrobe etched out carefully in your mind.

The Mansion Test

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

the fun's just getting started

2010-09-23T08:45:00.016+08:00

My birthday celebrations this year was split into two parts; one for my friends on my actual/Gregorian birthday on the 13th, and another for my family in commemoration of my lunar birthday on the following Sunday.

The 13 Sept event was held at Glassroom Cafe on the second floor of SMU School of Information Systems. I chose the venue because of the nice view of the National Museum, and being smack in the middle of the city, it is fairly convenient to all (I can't say 'equally', but 'fairly'...a couple of kilometers off and some might not be okay with it).

Apart from my sis and cous KH, the oldest pal I've known there is Chai Zheng Xin, my best bud from Kong Hwa School. The newest would be my LTB pals!

All in all, I had the greatest time and the best part were not exactly the presents but rather the friends who joined me. Thanks y'all!

On the following Sunday, I had my lunar birthday celebration hot on the heels of my grandfather's clan association Mid-Autumn event on Saturday. Again, I've been asked to join the clan association, yet I can't tell if it's just customary for the old folks to ask, otherwise they seem to be pretty desperate for new blood, 'cos I saw the poor vice-Chairman feebly attempting to get the history of the Mid-Autumn festival across to the chattering audience. Personally, I wouldn't have mind helping him if they are alright with an English version, but what the heck...

Anyway, Sunday. Due to a superstition, I'm not to bill the event as my birthday per se, so it's just your average extended family's luncheon at a rather quaint Chinese restaurant at OCBC Centre. Quite civil, quiet and quick, just like any family event.

Even having passed the symbolic threshold of 21, I still feel no need to suddenly grow up and attain an instant sense of maturity. Rather, the fun's just getting started. 'nuff said.

You Should Love

It's likely that you've been craving more human connection in your life lately - either romantic or platonic.
You've spent some time alone, and now you're ready to open yourself up to the world again.

You find happiness when you truly respect, appreciate, and care for someone. Relationships bring meaning to your life.
No matter how many times you've been hurt, you have a lot of love left in your future.

Should You Eat, Pray, or Love?
Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

You Should Stay Away From Brown

You are a worldly and cosmopolitan person. You consider yourself openminded and nonjudgmental.
You are very witty, and you're willing to make light of anything. You are proud of your sense of humor.

The color brown sometimes represents a lack of sophistication and humor. What a bummer!
Brown can also be a heavy color, and you're just too light hearted for its weight.

What Color Should You Stay Away From?
Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

You Appreciate All of Life's Moments

You are a great compromiser. You can deal with personalities of every flavor, and you're good at making sure each person has a say.

You have a very balanced personality. You know how to moderate yourself when you are feeling extreme.

You love everything about life, including the sadder and darker parts. You appreciate every emotion.

You are usually pretty low energy and serene. Even if you become excited, you try not to get worked up about things.

The Tea Oracle
Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

You Are Free Spirited

You don't like to be tied down. You like the feeling of the wind in your hair and a day with no obligations.
You know that life can't be all fun and games, but you try to enjoy yourself as much as you can.

You try to life without rules or expectations. You take each day as it comes.
You're happy to get on a road that seems interesting, even if you aren't exactly sure where it's going.

The Sporty Car Test
Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

You Are a PS3

You could be described as an early adopter. You like to have the latest and greatest gadget.
You're up on new technologies, and you make intelligent purchasing decisions. You are definitely in the know.

You love gaming, but it isn't your life. You like to play hard and work hard.
You are competitive, and you love to win. You tend to play a game until you beat it!

What Video Gaming System Are You?
Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

You Are an Early Riser

You're the type of person who just gets up early naturally. It's easy for you to succeed in this world.
It's likely that you've been extremely productive before the day has really began. You wake up alert and refreshed.

You tend to lose steam in the late afternoon and evening. Give yourself that time to rest.
Even though you get a quick start, you don't have to charge ahead all day long!

What's Your Energy Type?
Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

I need a break...oh wait.

2010-07-09T10:44:00.004+08:00

"Charge!"

Just returned from Run 2 of SMU's Freshmen Teambuilding Camp (FTB). Have 2 more camps to go; the Social Science Freshmen Orientation Camp and the Community Service Programme (CSP) starringSMU, and many more activities associated with the latter. I realized that some of the key CSP activities are being conducted under the ambit of People's Association Youth Movement (PAYM). Coincidence? I'm not sure...

In between, I gotta squeeze in my driving lessons. Yes, yes, Stanley, I know I should have done it a couple of years ago, but no rush. Besides, my parents just took me along to the car showroom, and I'm lovin' the E-class cabriolet. Like Bernie Mac said in Transformers, "the car picks the driver". As I touched the car in that showroom, the radio turned on and played "The One"...I mean, it was like saying "pick me, pick me!".

Yay! Vroom! Vroom!

I know it's a little crass for QX. Hey, it's a matter of personal preference :)

I guess it's gonna be a tiring month. Then again, I can't complain. Having been part of the Legion of the Unemployed for a couple of months since ORD, I think I have gotten enough rest and am ready to be reintegrated into the World of Academia.

Of course, it's a given that I'm feeling apprehensive. It's almost like a prerequisite to feel so as you're entering another phase in your life. Every phase of your life affects you, and to say 'whether positively or negatively' would be narrow-minded, 'cos life is more than just a dichotomy of positives and negatives, good and evil, black and white...I digress. My point is, life is about moving forward and not staying fixed in one spot, while at the same time not forgetting each and every lesson you've learned, or else you're just free-falling through life.

Then again, nothing's worse than stagnation, really.

You Are Cheerful

You are a friendly and welcoming person. You know how to make the best of a bad situation.

You tend to think most about yourself. You can't help but look inward and introspect.

You are open minded and tolerant. You believe strongly that people should be allowed to do their thing.

You have the most fun when you have fun in small doses. You don't like anything to drag on for too long.

The Surreal Test

The First Rule of Blogthings Is: You Don't Talk About Blogthings

You Are an Idealist

You can't help but dream big, and you resent anyone who tries to bring you back down to earth.
You are always optimistic and cheerful. You expect the best, even if things don't turn out as planned.

You are charming and outgoing. You know how to brighten anyone's day.
There's little anyone can complain about when you're around - except that you're gone quickly!

The Coffee Shop Test

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

You Should Move Halfway Across the World

You can't be tied down for too long. In fact, whenever you move somewhere new, you're already thinking about the next place you'll live.
You get bored easily, and you're over a new place pretty quickly. You tend to move often... or you should!

If you can, pick up and move someplace unlike anywhere you've been before.
You're down for the adventure. And since you're not ready to settle down yet, you might as well go crazy when choosing your next home!

Where Should You Move To?

Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

It's only a matter of time

2010-05-06T00:11:00.001+08:00

I'm not one to let go easily. People always tell me that. Yet who else is much different? Many choose to cling on to dead and detrimental traditions for no apparent reason other than to maintain some semblance of constancy, while I seek to cling on to those who I love, my family, my friends; to protect, to create a future...

Years ago, people who I've never met or would have uneventfully crossed paths with would have seen it all unfolding before them, and yet it is part of fate and destiny that I'm able to look across time and into their eyes as it happened. Shattered promises / love found and lost / staring from a distance, once a part and yet now apart from it all...I would like to believe that I am different, yet, truly, how different is it? It may probably be in reverse, but it is all inevitable; just a matter of time.

"I will leave one day. You know that, right?"

Yes, I know that. How can I forget that? In quiet moments of solitude, that is all I could think of. It haunts every moment I spend with you, reminding me that all of it will come to an end one day.

Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart. But if you don't, you might break theirs.

It will happen. It's only a matter of time. Before the truth of what I've lost sinks in...

what have i done / you seem to move on easy

When it comes, despair might take hold of me. But for now, until then...

For the wrongs I've yet to commit, I will destroy the world to protect you.

You Are Hesitant in Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You tend to give more than take in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?
Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

...destroy the world to protect those who I care about.

2010-04-28T22:03:00.002+08:00

What's the biggest threat?

Sycophancy? Belligerence? Idiocy? Unwillingness to change? Willful blindness? All of them?

Critical juncture. Pitiful humans begging for scraps from fake gods. An organization accountable to not who they are accountable to but who they account to. The difference is subtle, but it is there and it's what makes all the difference. Do you hear that? Of course you don't; you are deaf to everything but yourself. Feeble toothpicks embedded in the ground, blunt side up. What a joke. Step step. Oops.

It's a laugh, really, how people can assume to put a limit on creativity. Is this even permitted? How can this be allowed? Do you have your head screwed on right? It's not laughable. It's contemptible. 'Cos what all these people really gave up is just themselves. It's always been done this way. Just follow it. The rules are there for a reason, but just don't ask me why.

The threat has to be identified. It will be. And like all threats, it doesn't go away just by ignoring it or pretending it doesn't exist (it might expand dangerously, in fact). No. All threats, once identified, have to be eliminated.

You Are the Opinionated One

You tell it like it is, and boy, do you sure have a lot to tell!
You have an opinion on everything, and you don't mince words.

You tend to be very political and issue oriented. It's hard for you when others disagree.
You make enemies rather easily, and it's hard for you to let go of a grudge.

What's Your Personality Like?

What Kind of Love Are You In?

You Are in Agapic Love

When you fall in love, you are completely unselfish about it. You give your all to your partner.
If you are with someone, his or or her happiness is your only concern. You put your partner first.

You are patient and forgiving. You will wait forever for your true love, even if he or she has left you.
You are completely accepting. When you love, you love unconditionally. It's the only way for you.

What Kind of Shirt Are You?

You Are a Tank Top

You are a lively, energetic person. You are often on the move, and it's important for you to dress comfortably.
It's likely that you are quite healthy and fit. How else would you look good in a tank top?

You are fashionable and stylish. When you wear a tank top, you make sure that it's chic and not trashy.
You are bold and courageous. You don't mind showing a little skin every now and then!

Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

You Are a Lucky Person

You are bold, brave, and adventurous. When a decision is right, you don't hesitate.

You are happiest at any given time. You find so much to be happy about that you're usually quite content.

You may not seem to be working hard, but that's an illusion. You make hard work look easy.

You are a very patient person. You stick with people and things for a lifetime.

The Swimming Pool Test

For the wrongs I've yet to commit, I will...

2010-04-25T22:25:00.002+08:00

Someone once told me how idealistically foolish it was of me to expect the world to change. That all this sense of idealism and passion was 'ultimately futile' 'cos I 'can never' seriously 'hope for the world to change'. Perhaps, he reasoned, the only real way to expect any form of change was to 'change myself to suit the world'.

I don't argue right and wrong. I would point out, however, that I never 'expected' nor 'hoped for' the world to change. To do so would be, as I had said time and time again, the very same passivity that breeds a sense of complacency and laziness that would hinder one's progression.

"Let someone else do it. It doesn't have to be me. I'm just a nobody. We are just spectators and victims of the mood swings of mother nature and/or a higher power."

Perhaps, if that's how others can live their lives, then it's fine for them. Yet, it's not enough for me. It's not enough for me that I change myself so that I will fit into that tiny coffin everyone carries around with them on their backs. The world never changes because of the very same people who don't think it will. People who think that it wouldn't have any chance of doing so, and the only way for change is to change ourselves to suit the whims and fancies of others.

I have reasons for why I do this. For what. For who...I will do what I have to. I will do what I must.

You Are a Fallen Angel

You used to be good, until you fell from heaven. Now you're naughty and loving every moment of it.
You're all about lust, gluttony, greed, and wrath. It's not fun when you have to be perfect all of the time.

You are quite seductive and thrilling. People are drawn to you, even though you're probably bad for them.
You are charming and charismatic. You do whatever you want, and you have a hell of a time doing it!

What Type of Angel Are You?

What Should You Work With?

You Should Work with Art

You are a very visual and creative person. You couldn't stop making beautiful things, even if you tried.
You are constantly inspired and driven to create. It would drive you crazy to follow too many rules at work.

You have to do things your own way. If you're given room to be yourself, you come up with amazing things.
You never stop making art, so you might as well get paid for doing something you love!

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

You Are Very Dominant

You are intensely competitive and extremely successful. You tend to naturally rise to the top of any field.
You are obsessed with your goals, and you won't let anyone or anything stand in your way.

You tend to like to be in charge, and it drives you crazy when you have to be subordinate to others.
You are forceful, strong-willed, and even a bit bossy. Often times, it's your way or the highway.

How Dominant Are You?

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

You Are a Brain

It's not easy to stretch your brain, but who ever said that life was going to be easy?
You work hard to learn more and challenge yourself. You find thinking hard to be fun!

You enjoy long term projects and complicated problems. You are good at wrapping your mind around complex problems.
People tend to be jealous of your big brain, but they don't see how much work you put into being smart.

Are You a Brain?

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

You Are Imaginative and Idealistic

You are down to earth and practical. You don't like to waste time or mince words.

You rely on yourself and yourself alone to figure out what's best. In your experience, the "experts" are almost always wrong.

You have an idealistic take on life. Things aren't perfect, but you're doing your best to change them.

Spending time alone makes you contemplative and thoughtful. You can get really deep when there's no one else around.

The Movie Theater Test

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

You Are Openness

You are open to the whole world around you - without prejudice or judgment.
You are curious about many different things, and you are very interested in ideas.

You get bored rather quickly, and you're always dying to shake up your routine a little.
You are interested in art and culture. It's likely that you have sophisticated tastes.

Which of the Big Five Personality Traits Are You?

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

You Are Air

You are a quirky, flighty, and zany person. You change with the wind.
You are highly creative and often inspired. You love to be spontaneous and hate restrictions.

You have a yearning for travel and adventure. You want to have a wild and crazy life.
You actually feel a bit more balanced when there is structure and stability in your life, but you avoid it.

Are You Earth, Fire, or Air?

The Teapot Test
Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

If it's worth having, then it's worth fighting for

2010-03-08T12:39:00.001+08:00

Placed my order for the Alienware M15x...should be arriving in a couple of weeks' time, or less. Went to the Dell Direct Store at Suntec to get it, and got a couple of hundred dollars shaved off the price stated online. Helped that the salesgirl was kinda adorable and very friendly :D

So for my 'To-Do' list, I've eliminated Item #1 (gotten my Dolce&Gabbana Jalou...realize that they feed new videos and photos to me periodically) and #2's on the way. #4's still on the agenda but it's low-priority. For #5, I've decided to do something special (of course) for this year but not necessarily rivaling MTV as Stanley-kun's hoping. Tentatively, it's a 4-day event straddling June and September. June 'cos of a very special reason and September 'cos it's my birthday month (duh!). Stay tuned...

Alice in Wonderland was awesome. A visual spectacle, though my eyes were smarting by the mid-point from watching it behind the 3D glasses while having my colored lenses on. Like another movie with the Harry Potter 'holy trinity'(Alan 'Snape' Rickman, Helena 'Bellatrix' Bonham Carter and (as a voice actor) Timothy 'Wormtail' Spall) as I like to call 'em, Sweeney Todd, Alice's done well. There are several huge differences with the last version that Disney did (and one that I fondly remember still), but it still invokes the same surrealistic emotions in me as it did back then when I first watched it on LaserDisc. It was a really nice touch that Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter's more deranged than I recalled, and I loved the addition of Anne Hathaway (as always) as the White Queen. The caterpillar's 'Stupiiiid girrrl' drawl almost drew a knee-jerk reaction of "Emma Watson? Where? Where?". And who would name such a fearsome dragon the 'Jabberwocky'? The next thing I know, a Kraken-like titan can be named 'Sniffles'. Don't get me wrong; I think it's cute and hilarious, and adds to the overall nonsensical mood of the movie (indeed, like the novel was).

Teng Ming was asking me what was the moral of the story as we were leaving the cinema, and I was thinking that if it has to have one, then it's this; our dreams are what we make of it. They may be crazy, impossible or mad, but ultimately it is up to us to determine what they are and if we are to pursue them. Like Alice and the Mad Hatter shared;

Alice: It is impossible.
Mad Hatter: Only if you believe it is.

ORD-ing next Tuesday, I'm feeling ambivalent about it. I guess Colonel Nelson's retelling that he chose to sign on 3 days before he was to ORD did not alleviate the sense of ambivalence I already had. Not that I'm easily bought over by articulate stories, no. I'll elaborate.

My 2 years in the SAF has turned out nothing like I expected, as I had already said so numerous times. I had entered with the expectation that it would have been an NPCC experience 24/7. Yet, I came in and found an organization filled with a majority of people who think they are living in a vacuum in the space-time continuum. 'If it works, why change it?' If one asks me what's the singular most drastic change my full-time NS experience has brought about in me, it's an uncompromising disdain for deliberate ignorance and denial of logic and reason. 'It's always been done this way' I have seen people who choose to hide their head in the sand, 'don't think too much' and ultimately, that's how they choose to live their lives. On sporadic occasions when I'm surrounded by such people, I could not help but wonder; is there hope for the future of this country if the people who are expected to defend it think this way?

I would have lost all faith a long time ago if not for 2 reasons. First is the observation that men in uniform feel more inclined to help out their fellow man than men who are not. I'm not saying only soldiers will help out and civilians wouldn't. Singaporeans are a very kiasu, kiasee people. They know that every moment is a possible photo op, as STOMP has annoyingly rammed that idea into us again and again. An idealized form of military defence in peacetime is depicted as helping our fellow man when they are in distress, as seen by National Day propaganda of soldiers picking up fallen Tweety Birds for infants in prams. An Adonis-like soldier dressed in No. 4 is expected to help, but Singaporeans, with their ingrained Darwinist mindset, do not want their fellow civilians to help. 'Who are you? Why are you being so kaypo? Are you expecting some kind of tip?' Despite the cynicism surrounding the SAF and their administrative efficiency, there is still a very much underlying perception of the 'glory of the uniform', and it has helped impressed upon me the gravity of the spirit of noblesse oblige I had been brought up in (I remembered being asked by my grandparents repeatedly in my early days of service if I wanna sign-on so that I can eventually become a general).

Secondly, it is the actions of exemplary officers like Colonel Nelson and Major Kevin which tell me that there is hope for the country. They have shown me that being open-minded is the key to progressive change. And that is what the military needs if it is to effectively execute its fundamental duty to ensure the safety of the nation. However, it is not enough that the top echelons embrace such ideals; the middle has to as well. Instead, they are more obsessed with their personal reputation and credit than they are to their ultimate purpose.

Indeed, this malaise does not merely afflict the SAF; when guys going through full-time NS have been imprinted with such a views, they bring them out into society and this is not discarded as they often like to deceive themselves into believing. Therein lies the problem, yet identifying the problem brings us one big step closer to the solution.

And the same dogmatic fools will disappoint me by repackaging the problem as the solution.

Still, even when I ORD, I will miss more than just the uniform. Ultimately, it's just an accessory, and if I have to help my fellow Singaporeans, I will. There will be more that I miss.

Let's play by the world's rules for once

2010-03-01T22:03:00.002+08:00

Dogs chasing cars. Even if they catch one, they know not what to do with it. In the end, that's how many people live their lives; chasing after something that they have no idea what to do with after they had gotten it.

Ultimately, money can't seem to buy anything that's of real worth. For all that I've been given, I can't have the simplest things that I really want; peace, solitude, a quiet getaway. Instead, the world keeps dragging me back in, wanting me to play by its rules. So be it. Let's play by the world's rules for once. "Alright, I'll have you there do jumping jacks, and you there to give me push-ups. Repeat until dead." Don't stop; I need to be entertained.

This world is filled with people who take the fact that there are people who do adhere to the "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" rule for granted. Believing everyone would take the 'moral high ground' and never reciprocate their own treatment of others, they go about behaving irresponsibly, feeding off the generosity of others. And in believing so, they had doomed themselves.

The skies taunt me with truths; in the long run, how much could you have really done? The world might have changed, but at what cost? To be so hated, and yet to be so loved as well...perhaps, in the end, it's what's been done that matters, and not what could have be done. I will be stronger, I promise. For us.

Let's play dirty, and command this circus of idiots.

You Are Creative

You are a fascinating person with many varied interests. You like living a less than normal life.
You are easily and often inspired. It doesn't take much to get you thinking, and you love to daydream over a cup of tea.

You're the type of person who puts a pot of tea on when the mood strikes you - even if it's in the middle of the night.
Your signature tea: red rooibos herbal tea

You Are an Astronaut

You are not normal at all, and you could never do well is a typical office job. You are too brilliant for that!
You have a strong sense of adventure. You really want to see the world... especially from space.

You don't just dream big - you also do big. You are willing to work hard to get the career of your dreams.
You are a very talented and special person. You seem to succeed at every project you undertake.

You Are Together and Wise

You have a broad, mature outlook on life. You know that there are ups and downs, and you feel like you can weather them.

You feel like you can't depend on anyone but yourself in this world. You feel quite alone sometimes.

You feel relieved about your past and those you have loved. You are happy to be moving on with the future.

You succeed by tapping into your reserves. You have an extraordinary amount of energy and endurance.

The Desert Test
Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

Fated

2010-02-13T09:05:00.001+08:00

運命を君は信じてる?

それまでの何もかも全て

変えていってしまう様な

一瞬の出会い

A mere coincidence, or an intersection of visions of the future?

2010-02-07T22:56:00.001+08:00

A year or so ago...it was as if it was a simple clicking of two gears turning for the first time. However improbable it may have seemed back then, they have never stopped turning, and everything had changed from that moment on. Tomorrow opened itself to me, and this one was of eventual sorrow and torment; a state of pain worse than death itself. Yet, it is as it is, and not what it could be. Truths, lies, facts, deceits...all once second-nature to me, and now as alien as the world beneath my feet.

Would you have to die, for me to live? What would have been the point of carrying on then? The world might be changed, but at what price and what reason, what purpose...a point to it all? Or is it my selfishness, my ego speaking...and that I have to realize happiness for someone else, at the expense of mine, is actually worth making an effort for?

We all will get what we deserve it the end, I guess.

Watched Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus and 14 Blades with QX yesterday.

Imaginarium was pretty intriguing stuff, complemented with psychedelic visuals and a great deal of symbolism. QX shared a very insightful dissection of the movie, which still has me thinking for the rest of the weekend. However, it's definitely not a movie for the dim-witted or the incredibly dense, or else you might lament the cost of a ticket.

14 Blades, on the other hand, was, as QX put it, a 'Boom Boom Pow' movie (if you could sense that you are missing out on something, skip the inside joke but go ahead and watch Imaginarium). Of course, that was a morality tale behind it, i.e. money can't buy you dignity (especially when you are practically the highest-ranking enforcer of an emperor whose only scene in the movie was of him having sex with a number of women in a dimly-lit court, and you were just betrayed by the twisted mechanisms of a eunuch and an Imperial relative).

Oh, Lumiya, can you do that Force Speed trick you did in China? By request of Luke Skywalker...

Kate Tsui as the mysterious Tuotuo reminds me too much of Lumiya to be a mere coincidence, since both have their faces obscured behind veils and they wield whips. Not that I'm complaining, though; I always like a movie with a good femme fatale, like DOA, Underworld, Devil Wears Prada, Harry Potter...

"And you can start hearing the screams of ecstasy..." - QX

Still, despite my abysmal command of the Chinese language, I was certainly able to tell that Wu Chun's accent is definitely out of place with the rest of the cast's, and Qi Yiwu is...well...Qi Yiwu. Oh, it got a little 'Assassin's Creed' in the middle, with a 'synchronization' by Donnie Yen from a tall tower as well. Overall, I kinda enjoyed it as well, especially for a Chinese-language film at that.

You Are a Lava Lamp

You are dreamy, relaxed, and contemplative. You like to get lost inside your own head.
You never know where your thoughts will take you, and you consider reflection to be a wild ride.

You're happy to sit and be alone for long periods of time. You only do well with others who are like minded.
You appreciate other peaceful, creative types. Great things can come when great minds get together.

Are You a Lava Lamp or a Disco Ball?
Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

You Are Not a Sheep

You don't follow the crowd. In fact, whenever it's possible, you try to avoid the crowd.
You don't like blending in, and you are a complete rebel. Being like everyone else is boring.

You are a distinct individual, and you're definitely on of a kind. People probably consider you to be quite quirky.
If anything, the herd ends up following you. And you find that to be highly annoying!

Are You a Sheep?
Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

You Are Wine

You may be guilty of being a snob, but at least you're always drinking good stuff.
You can appreciate a good wine, especially when it's expertly paired with food.

And while you have a strong preference for wine, you can appreciate any fine beverage.
You've even been known to drink beer on occasion, if it's the right microbrew.

Are You Beer or Wine?
Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

You make that Dream called 'Love' a Reality

2010-01-30T10:36:00.001+08:00

Spent the weekend renovating my room. Since Item #4 ('~~Renovating my room~~') is done, my next objectives are to secure my new phone (Lollipop, Stanley-kun!) and my new laptop (an Alienware m15x will suffice). Shouldn't be too hard, if they even qualify as 'objectives'.

I often wonder how much happiness is each person entitled to. Or maybe even the kind of happiness he/she is entitled to. Or is it a privilege; a domain of those fortunate enough to be given so?

I would love to believe that everyone is not as shallow as they seem; that people do seek dreams and aspirations to better the world for them and their loved ones. Then again, it's probably my ego speaking; who's to say that trying so hard to obtain that handphone you saw everyone using on the bus you are on is not a dream itself, or that to be seen photographed with a multitude of celebs fall short of a fully-qualified aspiration?

Truth is, I have yet to see anything that convinces me otherwise.

People consume and consume more and more to no end, with no apparent purpose or ambition. So what if a guy becomes a carbon-copy of Brad Pitt, or got his girlfriend to twist her features into a mockery of his favorite celebrity? They are still copies, and they subject themselves to the whims and fancies of others. In the end, people free-fall all through life, submitting themselves to that biased cube called 'Chance', and they live and die by it.

More often than not, I remember my younger days (maybe 4 or 5?) when I wanted something material so badly I kept crying to my parents that I want it. It could have been a Power Rangers action figure, or a Batmobile playset. Then after a week or so of screaming and raging, I would have finally got it (thing about spoiled princelings is that they always get what they want 99.9% of the time), yet a part of me left the store sadder than I was before I had entered it. Perhaps, young then, I could not explain why, but now I realized why. I know why.

You Are Colorful Because You Are Bold

You have a true sense of adventure, and you are always off trying something new.
You get as afraid as anyone else, but you resist that little voice in the back of your head that tells you to give up.

You are likely very goal oriented and driven. You are willing to give everything your all, even if success is a long shot.
You like to be in the middle of the action, and you hate to miss an opportunity. You rather fail than not try at all.

The Colors Test
The First Rule of Blogthings Is: You Don't Talk About Blogthings

You Are California

You are cutting edge and diverse. People may call you flaky, but you can't help that you have a lot going on.
In general, you are friendly and laid back. There's nothing you like better than a quiet afternoon at the beach.

You are socially progressive and open minded. Anyone is welcome into your circle of friends.
You may be a bit image conscious, but you understand that appearances matter!

What US State Are You?
Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

You Are Totally Whimsical

If you were a car, you'd be a sweet ride. You like to cruise through life in style.
When it comes to the road of life, you slow down and enjoy the scenery. You don't want anything to pass you by.

You love to drive, as long as you aren't in a hurry to go anywhere. You always prefer to take the more interesting route.
You never like it when driving is a chore. Driving should be fun, not stressful!

The Old Car Test
Blogthings: Free Quizzes for Everyone

You Are a Cirrus Cloud

You're a bit mysterious and reserved. You mostly keep to yourself and do your own thing.
Some people may even consider you allusive. You're hard to track down at times.

People who know you find you to be very transparent. It's always easy to tell what you're thinking about.
You tend to drift more than most people. You're always trying out new ideas, friends, and even personalities.

What Kind of Cloud Are You?
Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

You Love to Talk About Relationships

You love to talk about people you know. You're not exactly a gossip - you just think a lot about your friends and family.
You're likely to be completely up to date on what's going on in everyone's life. And when someone has good news, you make sure and share it.

You also spend a fair amount of time dissecting relationships and analyzing people. You are always trying to better understand the people you're closest to.
Of all the types, you are the most social. You have a lot of people to talk to and to talk about!

What Do You Love to Talk About?
Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

Your True Passion is Your Family

You feel the most alive when you are with the people you love. It's really that simple.
You value having family in your life to support you, and you try to support them back as much as you can.

You are a loving and dependable person. And you don't just stop at your family or friends.
Anyone with a good heart is welcome into your circle, and you will treat them like family too.

What's Your True Passion?
Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

The shattered heart and the eyes that know true sorrow overflows with love.

2010-01-22T23:14:00.002+08:00

The pleasure of the present, a bulwark against the pain of the future. Ultimately, I'm only living on borrowed time, and how long can I keep this up before it all falls atop me?

"Learn to be single, in the name of Love." I guess I hadn't really understood it then. I do now. The shattered heart and the eyes that know true sorrow overflows with love. I'm really over it already; I'm just amusing myself at the moment. How could it have turned out to be so. Really.

Some people look so pathetically lonely even surrounded by people simply 'cos they never felt what it's like to truly feel lonely. I used to think these people crave attention for some superficial reason or another. The great lengths they would go to get themselves noticed...especially to be noticed with other people by other people. In the end, I kinda feel sorry for them.

Kinda. Almost. Like it matters.

You Are Silk

You are cultured, sophisticated, and a little bit picky. You go for the best in life.
You like your clothes to be top notch, even if it means paying more or buying less items overall.

You tend to be particular and even somewhat high maintenance. You can't stand being uncomfortable in any way.
On the flip side, little pleasures can really make your day. Like the feel of silk on your skin!

What Kind of Fabric Are You?
Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

"Like wiping your ass with silk." Haha.

You Are Unique Because You're Free

Unlike most people, you don't let yourself be bound by rules and expectations.
You do whatever you feel like doing. You insist on a lot of freedom in your life.

You are rare in that it doesn't bother you to be judged. You don't consider other people's opinions.
Like a snowflake, you go wherever the wind takes you. And that's a very liberating feeling!

The Snowflake Test
Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

You Are Claustrophobia

You are the fear of enclosed places.
You demand a lot of freedom in your life. It freaks you out to have too many restrictions or limits.

You don't really seek out responsibilities or commitments. You like to keep your life spontaneous.
It's easy for you to feel smothered. A lot of relationships and situations make you feel claustrophobic.

What Phobia Are You?
The First Rule of Blogthings Is: You Don't Talk About Blogthings

Tell me how I got this far without having known who you are

2010-01-17T22:38:00.002+08:00

I've had this belief that you know someone has become such an important part of your life when you can barely remember the times before you've met this person. Or maybe it's just a personal flaw of mine; some form of long-term memory loss that afflicts me simply 'cos I get carried away most of the time.

I was chatting with cous on MSN this morning when I reiterated the importance of preserving a sense of self during the trans-formative years of NS. Well, maybe it's not as much as preserving a sense of self as it is having one. These 2 years are, for most guys, gonna determine if one is gonna be a real leader of men, or if he's gonna be a cog in machines.

Does the man make the journey, or the journey make the man? Ultimately my sense of self has just been borne out of a desire to do almost anything to make my dreams a reality. My hands grasp at nothing but Tomorrow, for Today you have given me the will to go on and leave the pain of Yesterday behind. In the end, "I give up" and "I'll get used to it" are just the same, hence I'll spread my wings and head towards the uncharted future.

Something which occurred recently led me to wonder; if a giver takes pleasure in giving, is he in fact taking by giving? And if he insists on giving even when the recipient is not so inclined to receive, is he in fact taking against the recipient's will? Can giving be a selfish act by itself?

You are a Dreamer

You tend to have your head in the clouds. You love to be drawn in to a whole other world.

You are a sensitive person. You find it easy to be emotionally effected by books.

You are a person with a few deep interests. If you're drawn to something, you learn everything about it.

You are a person who values your possessions. You tend to have fewer things but of higher quality.

The Book Test
Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

We used to gaze up at the same sky together. Those memories still won't fade away.

2010-01-16T22:36:00.001+08:00

Mark and I were at Pacific Plaza's Adidas Originals store yesterday evening for the Star Wars Collection Launch event. Mark was so excited to see Vader I was mildly amused, but otherwise the event went on like any other event when the 501st decided to drop by. I managed to get the last piece of the Darth Vader Superstar track top, as well as a (Vader, naturally) T-shirt to nicely pair it up with.

Mark then enthusiastically suggest I should put on the track top and go home in it, and I see no reason why I should deny him his fun. So I had it on, cape and all, from Orchard to City Hall, and then the bus ride back home. Got quite a few stares but I couldn't be sure 'cos the hood was up. One guy even asked if he could take a photo of me, which I obliged, naturally. Heck, gotta be comfortable wearing it or else it's gonna just be another display piece.

Because this world needs more than a leader. It needs one with a cape.

I took that from V For Vendetta. You know that, right?

Anyway, I had been writing, for some time now, a Darth Vader fanfic on fanfiction.net titled 'Emperor Vader'. It is set in an alternate reality when Vader defeated Obi-Wan in Revenge of the Sith (nothing new; the game has such an alternate ending) and, going by the title, replaced Palpatine as the Emperor. It's been getting quite an encouraging number of reviews, so I'm hoping that it's a sign my writing capabilities have not deteriorated drastically as many deplored NS does to them. Check it out here!

Unable to say a word, I had reached for you, and yet, you coldly pull away, hurting me like no one else ever could. I remembered I made a promise to you that day, and I will keep it no matter how painful. Till we meet again on that sorrowful day when, beyond the blood-stained fields, we will be able to face the future together once more.

It might be upsetting. Sometimes.

You Are Fabulously Funky

You've got your own little groove going on. You are happily marching through life to your own beat.
You've got flair and you've got style. You are delightfully quirky and special.

People find you to be fascinating. And you definitely do live an interesting life
You make the world a more colorful, more creative, and more inspired place. If only there were more funky type like you!

What Makes You Fabulous?
Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

You Are Crayons

You've always had a creative, artistic streak - even when you were a kid.
You were the type of child who could spend hours with a box of crayons or markers.

Even now as an adult, colors and design matter to you. You are probably very fashionable and stylish.
Maybe you even dabble in the arts from time to time. You certainly still have the talent.

What Childhood Toy Are You?
Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

You Are Passionate and Driven

You have a clear vision of what you want, and nothing is going to stop you from getting it.
You are very confident and even a bit brash. You don't allow any self-doubt into your life.

You like to push limits. You're very curious to see how far you can get in all aspects of your life.
You are never satisfied. Once you achieve a goal, you set another one. You are constantly striving.

The Orchid Test
Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

In this Trance called Life, the only Truth is You

2010-01-13T23:17:00.002+08:00

The damage would have already been long done by now if the blow has been accurately dealt. Instead, it was not able to even cause a mere dent, and, as the adage goes, never wound what you can't kill. You will only piss him off.

Thing that kept me up at night after my shift was the paradox that while people struggle to make sense of the world, the world cannot be made sense of. Could it be that in establishing rules to restrain our behavior, we are also restraining our potential?

In a world full of people, only some want to fly. "Humans are not meant to fly" is what they say. "But what are our wings for, then?" we had asked. "Humans are not meant to fly" came the oft-repeated reply once more. "Or else why do we have two long legs for?" And so they snipped off their wings and made us do so as well, or else be ostracized. Yet, they do not realize, as we outwardly complied; those who know they once had wings will be able to use them again once more, 'cos no one but yourself can take away what truly belonged to you.

In the end, we can only hurt the ones who love us. As such, we only feel pain from those whom we love.

The powdered snow is so beautiful; in the darkness it provides the solace and comfort a warm embrace would bring to a baby. How can I want to protect you when I might need you to protect me when it comes down to it? Yet I want to share what I felt then. The present is what matters now, for the blood-stained future holds nothing but inevitable pain ahead.

You Don't Need Structure in Your Life

In fact, you prefer life to be a little chaotic. Things get boring when they're predictable!
You like to shake things up as much as possible. Routine makes you feel like you're trapped in your life.

You hate rules, schedules, and plans. You feel like life is much better when you're able to be spontaneous.
You've been known to purposely break a rule from time to time. It's fun to life on the edge!

How Much Structure Do You Need?
Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

You Are Flying

You are a highly imaginative person, and you don't ever get stuck in a rut.
You have a real knack for solving problems, especially when they seem unsolvable.

You dream big, and you feel like you can do anything. You don't put limitations on yourself.
You are clever and courageous. You can always figure out what needs to be done - and you're brave enough to take action.

What Nightmare Are You?
Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

Tell me what it is to love, 'cos I gotta know if it's real

2010-01-09T22:43:00.004+08:00

After ORD (still not looking forward to it), I have a couple of items on my shopping and to-do list to get within the less-than-half-year I have till I officially enroll. For starters, there's:

A new handphone
In contrast to my peeps who could go on using their phones after ORD, my main one's dying on me and I'm using a temporary one that I can't see myself using in the short- nor long-term. I always had a preference for clamshell phones and this time's no different. Currently, Jalou by D&G's on top of my list, but I wouldn't mind a good Motorola clamshell if there's one (in danger of breeding a desire of constancy here, though). I still steadfastly believe if there's a way for me to obtain a Japanese clamshell phone (an AQUOS will do) I will take it. Considering that my mom's willing to get me an iPhone (even though I really don't want it - touchscreen phones are a no-no), budget's no issue here.
A new laptop
Currently am using my PC primarily and am exploring options to upgrade it further to extend its life. With the possibility that playing Old Republic and StarCraft II on my laptop might not be feasible, being supposed to be used for school work and all (I suppose my schoolmates would not be happy if they found that the wireless speed is as slow as hard shit 'cos of an idiot playing an MMORPG), I might get either a MacBook Pro or Fujitsu laptop, as QX has suggested, and use the PC for gaming and personal use. Budget's...not much of an issue.
Renovating my room
Some things gotta go. While I'm happy to consign the seaweed wraps to the storeroom for retrieval during 'ICTs' (my side still calls them 'ICT', even though they are neither 'in-camp', in a 'camp', nor 'training'), my wardrobe is still expanding at a rate that the current space cannot exactly cope. If anything, I dislike the current decor, which were picked by my parents when we moved in and without my input at all. Budget supported by Family Fund this year.
Learn driving
Even without the pressure of Stanley-kun's prediction, I gotta get this done before I enroll. What's the point of your parents getting you a car if you can't drive it, or if your sister gets her license first and she cannot distinguish IMM from White Sands?
Plan my 21st
With the pressure of Stanley-kun's prediction, the only way I can perhaps make this the grand gala event he predicted is 'The Great Disappearance 2010 - Find the Birthday Boy with the clue of a single postcard' (since I've already mentioned it, of course I'm not gonna do it...or will I?). And since it's gonna happen after I've enrolled, I gotta account for school as well...

A couple of other secret (and not-so-secret) projects are in the works as well and only a couple of people would be privy to them, but what's life without a little excitement? Heck, what's life without excitement at all?

Your Favorite Color is Red

You are strong, healthy, and energetic. You have a strong personality.
You're known to be very outgoing and even aggressive. You don't shy away from what you want.

You see the world optimistically. You like to take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way.
You are a very emotional person, and you sometimes find it hard to be objective.

What's Your Favorite Color?
Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

Time after Time...

2010-01-09T20:32:00.001+08:00

For the first time in a long while, I'm posting a music video. Maybe it's 'cos I think Jenny Marsala looks really Hot with a capital 'H', I particularly like this cover of 'Time After Time'.

Time After Time

Lying in my bed
I hear the clock tick and think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback
Warm nights almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me
I can't hear what you've said
Then you say: go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost, you can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time

Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time

How deep are you willing to fall?

2010-01-04T16:54:00.001+08:00

Knowledge is power. And power, by itself and without purpose, is useless.

The truth is always there. Between the lines, among the crowd and within the darkness. With it, intent, ambition, and weakness. In the end, all that mattered would be how you had made use of the power that you have. Good or Evil? Light or Darkness?

How deep are you willing to fall? As long as it is necessary.

Playing the game. Not for the weak-hearted.

You Take Yourself Seriously

You see yourself as a thoughtful and introspective person. You are very intelligent.

You think other people see you as strong, stubborn, and self-centered. You tend to be quite forceful.

You want to see yourself as tough and determined. You'd like to have nerves of steel.

You identify as a compassionate and accepting person. You pride yourself on being forgiving.

Who Are You to Yourself?
Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

You Are Like a Prayer

You are an intense, passionate person. Sometimes your emotions really get the better of you.
An experience can be so intense for you that it feels spiritual or religious.

You tend to let yourself go. You don't hold back, and you live in the moment.
You live your life to the fullest, even if it makes you feel crazy. A little crazy is a good thing!

What Madonna Song Are You?
Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

You know that I want you, and you know that I need you

2010-01-02T11:50:00.001+08:00

Sent Chris off at Changi Airport yesterday. Certainly was...am sad to see a friend go like so. A selfish part of me wishes that he could stay, but change is the only constant, as I've always believed. Besides, it's not as if it's gonna be the last time I'll be seeing him, of course. I anticipate that it's gonna be soon. Quite soon.

Stanley-kun made 2 very interesting predictions regarding moi for this year (I realized that it's the second year I've already mentioned him in the first post of the year...ah well). The first is;

YP will host a party that will put MTV to Shame and make it a grand gala event.

O-K~! Since Stanley-kun has already placed such an expectation on the party, I may as well endeavor to realize it. Though sadly, this means 'cruise to the Mediterranean' is a no-no unless I find a way to pay for all 21 guests.

The other is, for the third time;

YP WILL GET A LICENSE.

Okay, okay, fine, fine, I've targeted to get it this year, okay? And then, yes, I might drive the VIPs to my party. I can already hear 'sendin' out the message to all of my friends / we'll be looking flashy in my Mercedes Benz'. I would really fancy a Subaru though, like the Impreza my family had a couple of cars ago.

I didn't exactly buy a lot in the trip around Hokkaido. Heck, I most certainly made the least purchases in my family. Thing I love most about shopping in Japan are the CDs, especially the Japanese releases of American albums 'cos they are usually unique in their own right (check out the albums' Wikipedia pages for these details), and this time's no exception. Bought a couple of Blu-rays (Code Geass R2 Vol 1 and Evangelion 1.11) as well. I've also gotten a Burberry Black wallet for myself, since I will definitely be needing a new one for the years ahead. Only things I wish I had bought but didn't were a Burberry Black laptop bag and the Ashford Uniform from ACOS.

What I got more from this trip, however, were insights, themselves more valuable than any material gains (but no, I'm not giving up my buys), and by themselves requiring an entire blog post, so more on this soon.

You Are Energetic and Unpredictable

You're the type of person who likes to stay active, especially physically active.
You have an adventurous spirit, and you feel like you have to do as much as possible in order to understand the world.

You crave novelty and variety. You like traveling to new places, meeting new people, and trying new things.
You try not to over think much in life. You feel like indecisiveness is a waste of time.

What Does Your Middle Name Say About You?
Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

Your Ideas Are Red

When you think, you tend to have very impassioned, inspired ideas.
Your thoughts tend to come way out of left field, and you're often surprised by your own ideas.

Your ideas tend to be big and bold. They may be impractical, but they're always unique.
You don't have any limits on your thoughts or dreams. You believe that anything is possible, and that leads to some amazing ideas.

What Color Ideas Do You Have?
Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

You Are Free Verse

Inspired, devoted
to the pure expression
of
yourself
without
any constrictions.
Rhymes bind.
Grammar kills.

What Type of Poem Are You?
Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

You Are Aggressive

Your anger and cynicism have morphed into something more extreme: aggression.
You find it easy to be annoyed, and it's almost as easy for you to lose your temper.

While it does feel good to get out a little low level anger now and then, aggression
can be dangerous.
If you can't control your temper, you could end up hurting yourself or someone else. Be careful!

Are You Cynical, Angry, or Aggressive?
Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

The only one who could possibly hurt me is you.

2009-12-20T21:44:00.001+08:00

Possibly, it may mean everything. The beginning, and the end.

It was a casual joke; one that perhaps was to make light of the recent things I've done to compare to what happened last Christmas. Yet, just imagining it each time was like plunging a knife through my chest, leaving me breathless at the mere thought of it.

In actuality, if something like that happened, it would have been different. It would have been cold between us and maybe a tad awkward, but at least it would not have came to what you joked about. Would I have preferred that, or the situation you had jokingly created? Or perhaps, it's just my fear that when the inevitable comes, would I have the strength to face it? Heh. Selfish to the very end, I guess.

What kept me going is the here and now; that I relish the happiness that every waking moment afforded me, and sigh smilingly at the sadness that it entails. I don't sleep much now, because my dreams no longer seem that far off from the present.

The mundane jabs thrown around by the weak and ignorant cannot even chip at my armor; their transparent political maneuvering an insult to every fiber of my body. Even if they murder me, they cannot possibly dream of taking my truth, my desire, my wishes... away from me.

In the end, perhaps the only person who could hurt me is you. And eventually, you might...will take them away. Intentionally or unintentionally. A year or ten. By pen or sword. Life or death.

Still, I cherish the present, and the future will come when it does.

Your Soul's Urge is Adventure

You may be feeling a little bored and restless lately. But let's be honest... you're always feeling this way.
You have a true excitement and energy that other's can't match. You are a veritable wild child.

You love anything new or novel, and you love to be surprised. You'll say yes to anything that sounds like fun.
You love to travel and meet new people. You are open to anything, and you never judge. You're all about good times!

What's Your Soul's Urge?
Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

You Have an Idealistic Heart

Your heart craves true love. You may wait a long time for it, but you're willing to wait.
You have an idea of what love should be like, and you're not about to settle. You want your heart to be genuinely happy.

It's likely that your heart has been broken quite a bit. Your heart is easily disappointed.
It takes a long time for your heart to heal. You never forget the wounds that have been inflicted on it.

The Hand Drawn Heart Test
Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

You Are a Hawk

You have a fighting spirit, and you don't back down from any challenge. You aren't scared of getting in the mix.
You aren't necessarily violent, but you understand why violence sometimes is necessary. It's a cruel world out there.

You are a natural debater. People may find you belligerent, but you just like to argue. It's not personal.
You rather have conflict than pretend to go along to get along. You stand up for what you believe in.

Are You a Hawk or a Dove?
Blogthings: Free Quizzes for Everyone

You Are the Shoe

You are a hard worker and quite stubborn. You are willing to put in long hours to achieve your goal.
You never give up, even when things get difficult. You are very tough.

You are adventurous and free spirited. You are confident that you can do almost anything, and you are never the afraid.
You're the type of person who wants to conquer the whole world. And you know it begins one step at a time.

What Monopoly Piece Are You?
Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

You Are Making the Bed

You are neat, chic, and stylish. You have a real eye for design and beauty.
You love chores like rearranging furniture, tidying up, and making the bed. You feel better it when things look better.

You're a natural interior designer, and you're always redecorating some part of your house. You like everything to look smart and modern.
When you're in creative mode, even the most boring of chores seem exciting to you. You're just a natural artist.

What Household Chore Are You?
Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

For the past I had left behind, the present I am living, and the future for us.

2009-12-11T09:34:00.001+08:00

As the present moves ever closer to March 2010, I find myself dreading ORD more than ever.

Yes, I used the word 'dreading'. And I know it means 'reluctant anticipation'.

These 2 years have turned out to be nothing I had anticipated. Of course, I had accounted for numerous possibilities; being made to do monotonous tasks on repeat every single day (oh wait, a lot of people are okay with that), lots of chest thumping and fist pumping (check; seen a lot of that as well), having to behave like a total jackass to conform (no surprises there), instant death for incompetence (if my bosses were anything like Darth Vader, turnover rate would be so high women would have to be conscripted as well)...yet, it's turned to be, and gonna be, nothing like any of those.

The way I see it; no matter how one thinks that NS will happen in isolation in their lives (i.e. I stopped living the day I enlisted and will start again the day I ORD), every moment we lived in the present will affect the way we see things in the future. A military camp is not really a suspension of time and space, its very existence a gap in the fabric of Singapore society. It is not where civilization ends; in fact it is very much a part of, almost ingrained into, the Singaporean psyche. Despite the cliché, for many a Singaporean male, these 2 years are gonna affect how he views the world in the future.

I'm not afraid to pull the trigger. Because I had been dead until the moment I met you. Every single 'living' moment I spent in vain, searching for someone who understands me, until you came along and extended your hand, pulling me out of the coffin and putting my eyes back in. And then, in the soft voice I could only imagine till then, you whispered in my ear, "You are not alone."

I am no longer afraid. Because you're here with me.

September Says That You Are Open-hearted

You are a very idealistic person. You have so much compassion for the world that it can be a bit overwhelming at times.
There are so many things that you want to do to make a difference. It bothers you that you can't do them all at once.

You are quite creative. You are especially good at thinking up innovative solutions to problems.
You may have high ideals, but you also have the tools to achieve them. You are practical when you need to be.

What Does Your Favorite Month Say About You?
Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

You Are Physics

You are a highly intellectual and intelligent person. There's not a subject that doesn't interest you.
You are very drawn to theories, and you are capable of understanding incredibly complex ideas.

You are curious about everything around you - from the smallest cell to the universe as a whole.
You believe that there are many connections in the world that we can't see. The way everything fits together fascinates you.

What Field of Science Are You?
Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

I was tryin' to fly, but I couldn't find wings, till you came along and changed everything

2009-12-05T09:31:00.004+08:00

This year's Christmas is getting 'crazh-ier, crazh-ier', as Taylor Swift would sing (that's where the title comes from as well). It's not about the spending; the money's irrelevant. Neither is it about the material gifts; I almost crooned to my 'Angel' 'All I Want for Christmas is'...well, y'know.

Shopping malls may have, ironically, made 'All I Want for Christmas is You' a cliché, but it still means a lot to me. The hole in my life cannot be filled by PS3 games, laptops or bags; while it would have been easier to pin the blame on having a secular viewpoint of holidays, it is also irresponsible.

I crave simpler pleasures that are, however, harder to find. Maybe 'cos it cannot be bought with money, nor can I redeem it in a mall promotion. Or maybe simply 'cos it's immaterial. Yet, this year, for the first time in a long while, I'm closer to having...no, sharing it than I ever had.

You Have an Inspired First Name

You are a highly original and naturally creative person. You are always thinking outside the box.
You are have adventurous spirit, and you are extremely energetic. If you love something, it's easy for you to stay motivated.

You have your own unique take on the world. Your views are both independent and progressive.
You aren't shy about living a bold and interesting life. You are a bit stubborn and headstrong when it comes to what you believe in.

What Kind of First Name Do You Have?

What's Your Fashion City?

Your Fashion City is Paris

You always look amazing, but you never look like you put too much effort in to it. And you probably didn't!
You believe that fashion is all about classic looks, and you shun all silly trends.

You appreciate finer quality items, but you would never have anything with a huge label on it. That's just tacky.
You never want your look to seem like it was bought in a store. You always have something in your closet to make your outfit uniquely you.

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

You Are Italian

Ah, you are a true romantic. You enjoy all of the sensual pleasures in love - delicious food, soul stirring music, a beautiful sunset...
And you always seem to be able to find the words to describe each experience perfectly.

You are a charming and seductive person. You just have that certain something that draws people to you.
You are passionate about words. Words can easily inspire, delight, or anger you. It's sometimes all about how something was said.

What Language Are You?

What Does Your Favorite Thanksgiving Food Say About You?

I will never let go that which I treasure

2009-11-30T09:00:00.003+08:00

I was listening to 'Alejandro' while looking out at the sea yesterday when a sense of déjà vu seized me not unlike a while back. The fact that 'Alejandro' was just released a couple of weeks alongside the rest of Lady Gaga's newest album and hence cannot reasonably be a trigger for déjà vu seems irrelevant.

The lake, with its calm surface glistening with sunlight, was a mirror; a window to how I felt then. The breeze did little to ruffle your hair; it only gave you a more roughed up look. Below the balcony beneath us, the children...our kids played, their youthful voices raising in giggles.

As I held your hand in mine, feeling so loving and loved at the same time, I took in a deep breath to savor the moment.

"This cannot go on," you said, your voice having only a flicker of fear that could have been easily missed. "Eventually, they will catch us. Inevitably, they will separate us. Irrevocably, we will be apart."

"I know," I sighed, my grip on your hand tightening as I did. "But it is going on, alright, right now. And that's all that matters."

As I looked at you, my eyes taking in the innocuous expression forming on the face I so loved, I could not help myself but smile.

Then, everything crumbled. The sounds of our children playing ceased. Waves broke the surface of the lake, thundering towards us threateningly. Your face started to melt away into nothingness, your lips mouthing wordlessly, continuously in an eternal mask of confusion and pain.

Yet, through it all, I refused to let go. They tried to take me away from you, but I will never let go.

Even if, eventually, inevitably, irrevocably, we are separated, I will never let go of you.

You Are Zany and Adventurous

You enjoy the holidays but not more so than any other days. You always have something interesting going on, no matter what time of year it is.
You are not very likely to go traditional for any holiday. You're much more into doing things your own way.

You're the type to throw the turkey in the deep fryer... and heck, the mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie too!
It may not be the kind of thanksgiving your grandma had, but at least it will be memorable!

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

Your Thanksgiving Personality is Foodie

You love Thanksgiving, as long as it's done right. And that means no funky green jello salads.
Thanksgiving is all about the food for you, and you like it to be top notch. There's a good chance you do all the cooking... that is unless you dine out.

Your ideal Thanksgiving would include your favorite dishes, as well as a few funky new experimental favorites.
And it would also include friends and family who can appreciate good food as much as you do. No instant mashed potatoes lovers welcome!

What's Your Thanksgiving Personality?

How Satisfying Is Your Life?

I love this record, but I can't see straight anymore

2009-11-28T11:24:00.002+08:00

Just bought Assassin's Creed II. 's so fun and have been playing it almost the entire time, I'm having my own 'bleeding effect' of sorts when I was in the middle of a huge crowd in ION yesterday. Pulling foolish guards off ledges to their deaths, not before administering a killing stab to the head with the hidden blades (the ones at his wrists), does not get as stale as Force-plummeting a hapless Rebel soldier over and over again.

Wait, did I just type that...?

Dinner. Monday. As I slowly chewed my food, my mind not exactly on what was being introduced into my body, you edged forward, speaking to me in an almost accusingly manner, "You didn't have to treat him so coldly, y'know? He's still your friend, and not your enemy." I looked up at you and, with contempt I had rarely used on you before, spat, "What do you know? Do you even know what's going on? You know nothing."

Perhaps, in retrospect, you were right. Maybe I need not have made a clean break as cleanly as I had.

The thing is, I no longer care. Maybe I used to, yes, but like Jesse McCartney sang, 'I used to be tripping over missin' you but not anymore'. I don't cry over spilled milk. And especially not so this time 'cos I realized that I don't want that milk any longer.

It's over, alright. Took me quite a while, but it's over. I already accepted it, but have you? You never really cared much for it in the first place, didn't you? And like a year back, when everything's going great for me once more after you had practically stepped all over me, you come back telling me 'I want back in'. I was a fool then, but not again. Never again. I'm no more a taker than I was a giver then, but you want friendship? Get in the line. Like I had said, you're on your own, as I had always been.

Your Life is Deeply Satisfying

You live a satisfying life even when it's not easy. You are dedicated to being happy.
You make sure to what you're passionate about. You don't waste any moments.

You surround yourself with people you cherish. There is a lot of love in your life.
You are thankful for everything you have. You don't take anything for granted.

Gonna get it right, this time

2009-11-24T21:21:00.006+08:00

Visited Stanley-kun at the hospital just now; the second time since he was admitted and the first after his successful operation. If I have to be honest with myself, maybe a part of me thought that it was a chance for me to make up what I missed for Chinese New Year this year.

Different friends, different time, different circumstances. Thus the comparison's irrelevant, really.

When I saw my best friend lying there grimacing in discomfort, I cannot help but feel helpless. Helpless that there are limits to what I can do to alleviate his pain. Helpless that for all the resources at your disposal, you can only still do so much. All I could do was to hold his hand to comfort him, and offer an encouraging peck before a good night's rest.

Maybe it was more than what I should have done. Or maybe it was less.

It's funny how there are expectations on me to conform at work even now, a mere 4 months or so to ORD. Conform to what?

Maybe to conform to doing the same mundane and mindless stuff day after day, or conform to staring at and wanking to booby magazines. Conforming in order to avoid the pain of rejection, or the fear of loneliness.

To silently conform, all the while crying on the inside, "The world doesn't understand me."

I seriously couldn't care less about what others think about my methods, or my goals for that matter, at this point in time (okay, maybe I never did, not even a year ago). So what if the world doesn't understand me?

Instead of wallowing in self-pity for possessing a brain and actually using it, my response is "I don't need the world to understand me." Of course, that might lead to a blurring of the line between your perceptions of how the world is and how the world should be, and the actions you will take as a result.

I will not be foolish. To go through life swimming with the flow and without thinking...the majority may live like that, but to live not thinking is as good as not living.

You Are the Queen

You are an incredibly powerful person, and at times, it's hard for you to keep your power in check.
You can take down virtually anyone who's standing in your way. That doesn't mean you should though!

When you're at your best, you're playing both offensively and defensively. You are able to look into the future and plan accordingly.
Because you are so powerful, you are a natural target. You must remember to protect yourself, even if it means hanging back when you want to pounce.

What Chess Piece Are You?

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

You Think That Sophistication is Glamourous

You think that no one is born glamourous. Glamour is something that must be cultivated.
You respect people who are worldly and cosmopolitan. Even if people is not well traveled, they can at least to their best not to be provincial.

You are attracted to people who have a broad perspective on life and aren't judgmental in the least.
You'd like to consider yourself one of these urbane people, though you can't help but judge those who are narrow minded.

The Glamour Test

You Are Intelligent and Analytical

You are sensitive to the world around you, but this doesn't necessarily mean you're all that moody.
You just happen to notice every little detail. You also have an excellent memory.

While you're too logical to let your emotions get the better of you, sometimes things get under your skin.
You pay the price of being a little too observant. It's hard for you to let the small things slide.

The Mustache Test

What Famous Vampire Are You?

I have no need for a path I can turn back on

2009-11-21T09:05:00.002+08:00

How can people accuse one of turning from his path when they themselves are blind? I cannot honestly believe that lying to yourself about who you really are is actually taking steps forward.

Then again, you are no different. You will do almost everything, lie to the world if you have to, in pursuit of your goals. Does it truly matter if the goal will negate all that you have done? No, it's a pathetic lie. You will never be absolved of your guilt. It is not who you are, but what you do that defines you.

Means to an end. Maybe it's simply my uneasiness with the fact that thoughts are merely thoughts till actions give them their true value. Just because I can conceive of the possibility of reaching the stars when others can't doesn't matter until I actually do, perhaps. Some people are more of a giver than a taker, but it's great that, once in a while, they actually do get reciprocated. Just not in ways either expected.

You Are Edward Cullen

In general, you are an upstanding, ethical, and compassionate person. You aren't a stereotypical vampire.
Of course, you're only undead, so you can't help but be tempted occasionally. You do a good job keeping your cravings in check.

You are a true romantic, and you live to take care of your sweetheart. You couldn't go on if you hurt the one you love.
You have many worries and conflicts deep in your heart. You may seem distant or cold, but it's only because you care so much.

Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

You Should Date a Vampire

You're attracted to intense, complicated people. You think danger is sexy.
You're willing to risk your heart (or even your neck) if it means you get to be with a super hot, super powerful vampire.

You think that there's a fine line between pain and pleasure. And you're certainly willing to learn exactly where that line is.
You think there's nothing hotter than a vampire falling for you. You're honored to be chosen by such an experienced and wise creature.

Could You Date a Vampire?

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

You Are Loving and Caring

You have a lot of love in your heart... definitely more than enough to go around. And the love you have for other people just keeps on growing.
You find that every person you know enriches your life in some way. You feel blessed to know the people that you do.

Your energy level is moderate. When you're by yourself you can be pretty relaxed, but when you're with people you love, you spring into action.
Your signature latte would be indulgent. You would probably request whole milk add whipped cream to the top!

The Latte Art Test

You Are the Successful One in Your Family

You're the type of person who needs to see results in your life to be happy. And because of this, you're likely to have a lot of material success in your life.
Your family members may even be jealous of what you have, but they don't understand all the work you've put in to reaching your goals.

You have big dreams and big plans, and if your family wants to support you, that's great.
But in the end, you're not about to let anyone hold you back from what you want. Your prefer to share your success with your family, but you'll do it without them if you need to.

Who Are You in Your Family?

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

You Put Yourself Last

You take everyone's needs seriously, except for your own. You mean to take care of yourself, but you're always the last one on the list.
While it may be tempting to lend a helping hand every time you can, you're actually not helping people as much as you could be.

You are simply not at your best. You're too frazzled to really be giving anyone 100%.
Take a mental health day - or even a mental health hour - as soon as you can. It's time to start getting some balance in your life.

Do You Put Yourself First or Last?

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

Sometimes, I wish I was normal

2009-11-07T10:05:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I wish I was not so different. Sometimes, I wish I could have been pigeonholed into those stereotypes that people seem to comfortably fit into. To 'not think so much' and let that nagging question at the back of one's head fade away into nothingness. To be able to treat anything one cannot grasp as anything nonexistent.

Sometimes, I wish I was normal.

It would have been easier to do 'normal things' and be 'normal'. To be able to know why people could buy into the bullshit so readily and unhesitatingly. To be able to know how to distract oneself with mundane and insignificant details. To be able to know why people fear things that can barely bark, let alone bite.

This is all foolish thinking, of course. It is to merely wish for peace despite knowing that chaos is all that lies ahead. It is not merely denying how you truly feel. It is about denying reality. I am not that foolish. Peace does not necessarily equate to peace nor normalcy. A false peace is as easily broken as it was constructed.

I found the following extract from Vol. 0 of the Code Geass novel quite eye-catching. It takes place during their younger days when Suzaku was breaking up a bunch of kids bullying Lelouch, who had just arrived in Japan as political prisoner (along with Nunnally);

Suzaku looked at the boy on the ground. Among the dark shadows of the trees, on the stone pavement, he was hunched over. The luxurious shirt was dirty and wrinkled.
What an idiot, Suzaku thought to himself. He gets into situations like this because he wears those snobby clothes. And the look in his eyes. He should at least change the way he looks at people. His facial expression should be apologetic.
No, I guess he can't.
When he'd met the boy for the first time he was already like that, and he will never change.

Who's to be blamed for Lelouch turning out this way? His princely upbringing? Or the clash between that upbringing and the rest of the world? Is someone or something even to be 'blamed' for this? What makes Lelouch's world any less real than the world Suzaku lives in, and vice versa?

You Are a Hippie

You may not have long hair or a closet full of tie-dye, but you definitely dance to the beat of your own drum. (And you may even play the drum as well.)
You are a true free spirit. You don't let yourself be weighed down by rules and expectations.

You are creative, philosophical, and caring. You want everyone to have a better life.
For you, the worst thing in the world is being stuck in some rat race. You rather be broke than have to wear a suit every day.

What's Your Stereotype?

The First Rule of Blogthings Is: You Don't Talk About Blogthings

You Would Be a Wild Child Celebrity

You've always been a rule breaker, and nothing about that would change if you got famous.
You would take Hollywood by storm, and play by your own rules. You would act out whenever you want, and you'd never take the press too seriously.

But would you truly be out of control? Or simply a master of your own image? No doubt about it... there would be some debate.
You'd be a celebrity in the mold of Wynona Ryder, Paris Hilton, Colin Farrell, and Johnny Depp.

What Kind of Celebrity Would You Be?

Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

For this goal, even my conscience has to be cast aside

2009-11-02T19:43:00.004+08:00

Was on the ECP today when it occurred; an irritation of the eyes, and an impatient flick of my wrist. To my shock, I realized that it was a drop. A teardrop.

Even if you want to know the reason why, I have to admit even I do not know the exact answer myself. Perhaps it was simply weariness settling in after a couple of crazy weeks. Or perhaps it was the realization that one of my closest friends regard me as a 'problem' more than anything. Or maybe it was my hatred of my true enemy which is now threatening to separate me from those who I care about.

Ultimately, it matters not. A moment of weakness, and as easily removed with a mere flick of my fingers.

If you had actually known, would you really still feel the same way?

2009-11-01T16:03:00.001+08:00

More often than not, people told me that I read into their words or actions more than they had intended to. The chance that I happen to be accurate is usually higher.

Tuesday evening was one. This, unlike the other, was totally expected but never had I thought it would be so callously expressed. His reply to my 'problem' just told me so much of his defense mechanism. Having pulled such a reaction on me 3 years or so ago, the presumption was that his was a typical response to any such situation, and perhaps when people actually do defy that convention, they do stand out. Or maybe, simply, I had been wrong all along about how special he was.

Friday dinner presented another. Amidst the luxurious spread of dinner we decided to indulge in, the words from that joking smile were not what I expected to hear. An off-the-cuff remark? A suspicion? Or it is what it seems to be; a promise? And the only way I can find out is to start down on that road to Hell.

If I had actually told you what had happened, would you really feel the same way? Would you keep the promise you've made? Would you be able to actually continue grinning and tell me you'll still be there for me? Or will you be like him, leaving me out cold in the merciless rain; hurt and more lonely than ever?

I'm not one to dwell on the past. Against all good sense and intention I had chosen to leave it behind me. So that I can forget your betrayal and the state of near-death you had placed me into. Yet, forgetting it doomed me to repeating that cycle over and over again, and you're still just gonna repeat it until one of us goes.

No more. The past shall never be forgotten to ensure that its mistakes are not made again. You're on your own now, as I had been all along.

But perhaps not so, this time.

You Should Be an Astronaut for Halloween

You are a confident and bold person. You definitely tend to think you're the best out there.
When you get dressed up for Halloween, you tend to think big. Even if you aren't entering a costume contest, you act as if you are.

You are a high achiever and a hard worker. You have huge dreams and goals.
Who knows? You may even be an astronaut someday. Anything is possible with grit like yours!

What Halloween Costume Matches Your Personality?

Are You A Vampire, Witch, Or Zombie?

I try to wash the pain away from me

2009-10-31T08:54:00.001+08:00

Just received a mailer for the SMU NSmen Jamboree on 17 Nov 09. The early matriculation process will confirm my place as an SMU student, which may as well be. April classes will give me a month's breather at most after ORD, so there's no need to concern myself with what I have to do to tide me over 5 months or so of boredom.

Heard from ototo-kun FASS' having early matriculation today. Guess that's good as well.

The same question. Posed again and again over the past week. Yesterday I just lost it.

In the mirror, I see the shatterpoint. Ignoring it does not mean it does not exist. One day, that will be my undoing. One day, that will crush me. A year or so ago, I was made to face the same choices. You couldn't possibly hurt me more than I have already hurt myself. Alone among the dead leaves and discarded webs is where someone like me belongs. Hearing others go on with their clambering up and down the lowest flight of stairs, in my own solace and the pain I've created for myself did I actually realize I, and I alone, deserve everything.

A Life without change is a Life not worth living. My goals remain unchanged. Everything else has.

You Are a Vampire

Like a vampire, you can be a bit cold and heartless at times. You are very calculating.
You think with your head, and you know better than to follow your heart.

While you are as thick skinned and resourceful as a vampire, you aren't necessarily as evil.
You can easily manipulate people into doing what you want. Whether you actually choose to manipulate them or not is a different matter.

The First Rule of Blogthings Is: You Don't Talk About Blogthings

You Are Black

You are a serious and thoughtful person. You spend a lot of time in quiet reflection.
You are a friend of the honesty, and you don't sugar coat anything. You prefer the truth in all its complexity.

While you may relate to the color black, it doesn't necessarily mean you're a dark person. You just don't hide from the dark side of life.
If anything, you tend to be sophisticated and classic. You don't follow trends, and you have your own style of doing things.

Are You Black or Orange?

What Color of the Rainbow Are You?

In this world, under a sky madder than the one I had gazed upon, it no longer matters.

2009-10-24T17:30:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was NSAD Innovation Day and Deepavali celebrations. During the Innovation segment, there was this activity with rather unclear instructions, but it's whole point (explained at the end) was about rules and regulations (i.e. what happens when the rules change? How will one react?).

Of course, my personal opinion has always been that such activities are rather sterile, and given that the facilitators are aware they are conducting for a military organization, there should most probably be some OB markers they may have been expected to conform to when signing the contract. So whatever interest I can obtain is from the responses given by our own staff to the facilitators, uncensored.

The responses, as usual, are very telling. They are honest, I give them that, and while not crafted well, it does give an insight into their actual belief systems.

Without rules, we would have developed our own based on the old set of rules.

Rules and regulations are integral to maintaining human civilization.

In a society like Singapore's, rules and regulations are part and parcel of everyday life.

Indeed, in a society like Singapore's, rules and regulations are part of everything we do. What else would we know what to do without them? How are we to maintain any semblance of a society if we do not follow a higher and tangible form of authority? To navigate a world without rules, how are we to retain our civilization and sanity as well?

How, indeed, how.

In recent weeks, I have started to grow more troubled. About something no one but myself know.

When you change the present, does the future change as well? Or does the future change your present? What of the past? Move the Knight, or the King himself? Bear the Sword of Damocles yourself. Sustain and endure. To the victor goes the spoils.

I have to put an end to this myself. Soon.

You Are Red

You are a very warm and passionate person. You are never at a loss for words when talking about how much you love something or someone.
You feel strongly, and luckily, most of your strong feelings are positive ones. You love many things in this world.

It's very important that you are able to follow your passions. It would drive you crazy to be stuck in a job or place you found boring.
You have twice as much energy as most people. And it's a good thing too, because you have twice as many things you want to do in your life!

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

You Are Decadent and Hedonistic

You're the type of person who wears an extremely over the top Halloween costume and pays a pretty penny for it.
When you celebrate, you celebrate in style. You believe in indulging, and you wouldn't hold yourself back if you could.

Your favorite Halloween celebrations revolve around masks and anonymity. You like how people shed their inhibitions when their identities are hidden.
You'll just go wherever this crazy night takes you. And you're hoping it will take you someplace very wild!

The Candy Apple Test

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

Give me one good reason why I should still care for you like I once did. Just one.

2009-10-21T21:56:00.001+08:00

"To all Japanese; I have returned!"

The conditions for the foregone conclusion have been cleared. It matters not. Whichever path one takes now, it is inevitable. Time is moving, and those who will not move, will not move at all.

Still, things are far from winding down; at least 3 pressing items remain on the agenda, which is not necessarily a bad thing. 'Tripartite cooperation' still ever the buzzword for 'Unions' in Singapore, and the SAF's no exception. And in such a case, one of the best we can ever hope for. We shall see.

Is Destiny a fixed and unchangeable thing? Is it merely an illusion, conjured by the resigned and weary, or the imaginative and fatalistic? Or is it a desire, our need to reconcile Eros and Thanatos?

A year ago or so.

The same sky I look toward is the very same sky you would be looking at at this very hour.

Even with the life all around me, blissfully comfortable just admiring the cool breeze of the Tokyo Bay, I cannot help but think of you.

I wanted to share this with you. All of it and everything. At that point in time, as I balanced myself on the railing, I would have been willing to forsake my ambition, my destiny, just for that moment with you.

Yet, a part of me knows that it is all just a delusion. It was a moment of weakness, a desire for peace even despite knowing chaos is all that waits ahead. A moment still, yes, but a moment ultimately.

A year on, and you've barely changed.

However, I no longer think of you. It was no longer a moment. It became nothing.

It was another providence. Another time. Another life.

In this world, under a sky madder than the one I had gazed upon, it no longer matters.

It has not changed. Yet everything else has.

Your Best Trait is Creativity

You may seem like you're a bit flaky or flighty, but you're really just deep in thought.
You are the artistic type, no doubt. However, you are also highly analytical and logical.

You are able to solve problems in unique and interesting ways. Your ideas are unpredictable, but they always end up making sense.
You are picky and sometimes downright critical. You expect the best of yourself, but others are not prepared for your exacting standards.

What's Your Best Trait?

What Tetris Block Are You?

You Are the "L" Block

You are creative and interesting. You are always coming up with a new spin on things.
Until people figure you out, you tend to be under appreciated. You talents usually go unnoticed at first.

You are adventurous and a total experimenter. You've tried things that people haven't even dared to contemplate.
You are always reinventing yourself in novel ways. You've gone through many different phases in your life.

Your City is Tokyo

You are both conservative and wacky. You're super hard working, but you also have a funky side.
You are happy to do what you're supposed to be doing during the (long) work week, but your weekends are all about you.

You have many interests, and some of them are downright weird. You have a flair for fashion and personal style.
You look to the future, and you don't get too tied up in the past. Cutting edge technology excites you.

What's Your City?

What Michael Jackson Song Are You?

In the face of the world, we could only...

2009-10-14T19:48:00.003+08:00

Taking a much-needed reprieve from work, I've come to realize that, in the past week, I have made a number of observations. About what? Well, anything that caught my eye.

What I've seen, heard, smelt, tasted and felt further reinforced my belief that what I had resolved to do must be done, for the sake of all that I want...no, all who I want to protect. What do I want? Well, it's just that little thing that every one desires, one way or another. That which has infinite forms but is fundamentally one thing, and one thing only.

That said; I am getting bored. Disillusioned. Disappointed. Whatever; they are one and the same, more or less.

Take this hypothetical situation, for instance; if you see a traffic accident unfold before your eyes, what would you do?

Would you walk away or drive on, muttering the usual 'It's none of my business' refrain to help you get through the night?

Would you stand by the side and take photos of it with your camera phone, a small hope in the back of your head telling you that the golden shot might propel you to STOMP stardom?

Would you find the car plates of the vehicles involved to buy 4D afterwards, reckoning that some celestial forces had destined that cars are to crash as a proxy for their game of chance?

Would you call for the police and the ambulance, comforting yourself that you had actually done something for them?

Of course, I'm sure a considerable majority did not 'think so much' in so many words. Still, these options can apply to any other situation in which one can play an observer of. In fact, almost every situation. It can be witnessing a brawl or a theft unfolding. It can be seeing schoolyard bully tactics utilized against the defenseless. It can be watching a person who is dying and needs blood that only you can provide.

That's not to say any of the options chosen is 'right' or 'wrong'. Of course, understandably, what a majority would vote for as a 'right' answer would be the last one. Having long forsaken the dichotomous belief system of 'right' and 'wrong', I shall say this; the answer can be any of them, because the chosen answer(s) is(are) 'truth(s)'. The rest are 'lies'.

Lunchtime. Last Tuesday and Wednesday. On my way to the Bukit Merah Central area for lunch, I bumped into the same man on both days. Dressed in disheveled rags and remarkably unshaven, he holds onto a plastic bag of cigarettes in one hand and a can of Tiger Beer in another. And on both occasions, he, fixing an unfocused eye on me, asked for cash by waving the hand he held the can of beer with and uttering the only words he could utter, "Riu. Please."

Should I be ashamed to declare that my reaction on both occasions had been to unhesitatingly flash him a contemptuous glare and brush him aside casually? Should I have smiled sheepishly and admitted that he deserved my financial aid even though he could have spent the cash he used for the cigarettes and beer on essentials he might need to help him comfortably tide over the next few weeks, for the sake of being politically 'correct'?

That old man is not alone. In a society which embraces the concept of 'survival of the fittest', where is the reprieve for such people? Do they even deserve it if they do not possess the physical, if not mental, willpower to lift themselves out of the drudgery and vicious cycle of poverty and ignorance? When does the help we offer start to become a form of dependency and over-reliance?

And yes, I am perfectly aware that the hypothetical situation's options are not the only one. The ones who would do otherwise would know it instantly, and that is when it becomes apparent; life can be made a multiple choice questionnaire, but it takes a great deal to actually fill in the blank next to 'Others:'.

You Are "Beat It"

You are tough and street smart. You won't let anyone try to push you around, and you're prepared to defend what's yours.
You've worked hard for what you have, and you have no tolerance for those who are jealous of your success.

You are fearless... you've had to be in order to survive in life. You understand power well.
While you try to do the right thing in life, you know the world doesn't work that way. It's all about who has the most strength.

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

You Are Gold

You have a strong appreciation for the finer things in life, and you're the first to admit that you're a bit spoiled.
You can be a bit flashy and flamboyant at times. You may claim that you don't like attention, but you secretly love it.

You are a bit of a snob, and you wouldn't be caught in a fast food restaurant or a Wal-mart.
You may or may not be rich, but you act like you are. You can't stand trash culture or anything low class... especially when trashy people wear gold!

Are You Silver or Gold?

Are You An iPhone or a Blackberry?

You Are an iPhone

You are one of those early adopter, super geek chic types.
You like a gadget that has a ton of features to fuel your tech obsessions.

You tend to know the inner workings of every toy, phone, and computer you own. You're always exploring and learning.
You want the most leading edge phone you can find, at almost any cost. You're usually the first one in line for the latest iPhone!

A small step.

2009-10-10T10:33:00.002+08:00

The past week has proven to be interesting. Much more interesting than I had expected, anyway.

I want it on record first, before I start on anything substantive, that I am astounded at how quickly the rumor mill rotates. Is it just me, or is it that when you feed a little private info about your finances to someone it quickly becomes public information?

Most of the time, what a start needs is just a simple moving of a rock. A simple effort to make a step. A simple effort to extend a hand. It's not a matter of 'right' and 'wrong', but rather of who is willing to do what has to be done. Pride can be such an impediment at times, and like all else, if it gets in the way, I shall be rid of it as well.

I know it's been a while, but I'm glad you came
Ooh, looks like we're alone now, you ain't gotta be scared
We're grown now, I'm gonna hit defrost on you
Let me break the ice, allow me to get you right

What made me came to such a realization was that I could have allowed things to remain status quo, and allow history to repeat itself. No one could have expected it and, of course, it would have cemented my place in history. Sounds fine, until I realized I had overlooked 'status quo' and 'history to repeat itself'. This would not make do, and people do not deserve to watch poorly-made remakes and rip-offs. People deserve a refreshing experience. The world 'could' have been satisfied if I had done nothing. It would have been mundane, but at least it would have been predictable.

That's not what I am, and it's not what I would ever be.

On a related note, I've realized that the pieces in my life are coming together earlier than I have anticipated. A folly of mine to not have accounted for this, but the pieces are still coming together regardless.

And unlike what I had mentioned earlier, this is one of those rare occasions for which a small step will not suffice. Not anymore. A giant leap across the chasm between irreconcilable eras. Purposeful arms to lift a reality out of a dream. A powerful gaze to stop the trackless progression of time.

A glance that seems to burn
The power to pursue a beautiful dream
Please put on your heart and soul
And take me along to a sinless era

All I need is that one piece. And all else falls into place.

Deep Down You Are Fiery

You're the type of person who's always energetic or passionate. There's nothing subtle about you... ever.
You tend to love or hate everything. You have a ton of opinions, and you make up your mind quickly.

You don't show the world how anxious you are. You have a lot of energy, and too much of it means you can be quite nervous.
Everything is very high stakes for you. You can't help but build up the drama in your head.

The Eye Test

Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

You Are Asia

You are driven, brilliant and resourceful. You tend to be thought of as a brain.
You embrace ideas and technology quickly. You like to be on the cutting edge, but you don't forget about the past or tradition.

You are cultured, cosmopolitan, and eclectic. You draw inspiration from many sources.
You are unselfish and motivated by a sense of duty. You work hard because it's the right thing to do, not because you hope to strike it rich.

What Continent Are You?

You Are Stubble

You are assertive and confident. You know how to pull off being the least well dressed person in the room.
You have a lot of natural talent and charm. You get a bit of a free ride in life, and you enjoy it.

You are attractive and even downright sexy. You have that certain something that draws people to you.
You may be a bit irresponsible and flighty, but that only makes you more interesting. You play hard to get... and it works!

What Kind of Facial Hair Are You?

Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

You Fall for the Guy or Girl Next Door Type

You think that people make love too complicated, and what you want in a partner happens to be pretty simple.
You're content with someone who's nice, attractive, honest, and normal. So how come that's so hard to find?

You are fairly traditional, and you value security in relationships more than most people. It's important for you to find someone loyal.
When you find the right person, you don't expect much from him or her. You're just happy to be together.

What Type Do You Fall For?

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

You Think Best in Your Bedroom

In order to be able to think, you need to feel like you have some privacy and space.
It's likely that you spent a lot of time in your bedroom while you were growing up. It's your sanctuary.

You need a high level in control in your life, especially when you have something important to do.
The best thing about your room is that it's exactly the way you like it. Having things the way you want allows you to relax and think.

Where Do You Think Best?

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

A true king would give direction to a trackless life and change it into something meaningful, even in death.

2009-10-04T18:56:00.001+08:00

I spent a good deal of the afternoon reading the Code Geass novels while recuperating from a terrible sore throat that might grant me a 2 weeks' reprieve from work if worsened. A badly needed reprieve, if the past couple of working days were anything to go by, but I never run away from my problems, of course.

Or in this case boredom, and it would be very appropriate to do so.

Still, being bored did not (and would not) rob me of my powers of observation (along with telepathy and what other mutant powers, according to some circles), leaving me a piece of ground fertile with peculiar attitudes and behaviors to muse about.

A conversation a couple of weeks ago or so had me quoting from the first volume of the Code Geass novel, right from Lelouch's thoughts:

It was fine to mourn death. But one needed to understand that the true mourning was to apply their deaths. If the blood shed created a shining result, those deaths would not be wasted. That was where the significance lay for the existence of a king, a ruler. In the end, humans lived as they pleased and died eventually. One who was truly a king would give direction to a trackless life and change it to something meaningful.

This ties nicely with my view about the seemingly elusive 'purpose of life', though personally, I like to call it 'purpose for living'. Raison d'être, if you will. And I feel that it differs for each and every person. Some might prefer to be the observer, while others are willing to do the entertaining. Some would rather gossip, while others wouldn't mind being the talking point, even if it ain't good.

At the very least for me, I would rather be the black sheep than be one of the herd. After all, diversity, instead of ubiquity, should be celebrated.

You Are Eggs Over Easy

You have good taste and high standards. You are very detail oriented, and you know what you want in life.
When everything is in its place and things are as they should be, you can finally relax.

You may seem like the kind of person who has things come easy for you, but it's all an illusion.
You work hard to make your life perfect, and part of this perfection is making things look effortless.

What Kind of Eggs Are You?

What's Your Primary Mood Color?

Your Primary Mood Color is Red

You are a very passionate and fiery person. You have strong emotions, and you don't hold back.
You are bold and quick acting. You aren't afraid to take the first step or make the first move.

You are an attention seeker, and you love to be the center of things. You've learned how to entertain people well.
You are the type of person who the subject of speculation and gossip, and that's fine with you. You like to be talked about.

What Length Hair Should You Have?

You Should Have Super Long Hair

You are free spirited and carefree. You are a total wild child, and no one is going to tame you!
Your hair tells people that you're an individual who doesn't care what other people think. You and your hair break all the rules.

You are a mysterious type who has many secrets. You prefer to keep to yourself.
There's a lot hiding behind that hair. Very few people truly understand what you are all about.

What Room Are You Most At Home In?

You Are Most at Home in the Bathroom

You're the type of person who doesn't spend a lot of time at home. You're happily busy and the furthest thing in the world from a homebody.
And when you are at home, you are looking to be refreshed and renewed.

There's nothing like a hot shower or bath to make you ready to face the world again.
You love to take care of yourself, and there's a good chance you spend an above average amount of time in front of the mirror.

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

I'll destroy all those who would harm you.

2009-09-27T14:08:00.002+08:00

Caught The Ugly Truth and The September Issue with ototo-kun yesterday, and nicely rounded up the whole day with us talking about how our work could possibly have changed us on the way back home.

I particularly enjoyed Ugly Truth for how it frankly depicts what men and women are looking for when it comes to relationships. In actual fact, it tells me nothing I don't already know, except that it's hilarious when applied in-context. That, between Katherine Heigl's dominatrix and the Gerard Butler's alpha male, makes for an interesting, if not predictable, watch. Funnily, instead of Gerard Butler, I saw someone else instead, but I guess it's just my imagination.

The September Issue was a different kind of movie altogether. Sure, there's still the dominatrix (I thought it was funny when I told ototo-kun that it's a horror movie and not exactly a documentary, but he didn't find that particularly amusing), but there's also the homosexuals (I can totally imagine the kind of side-remarks I would have gotten ala Half-Blood Prince if I had watched it with QX, and not all in the good way) and couture. Anna Wintour really strikes me as someone who is committed to what she does. She is passionate about her job and has clear convictions about what she expects and what she wants. She is not afraid to antagonize anyone if she has to do so to get the job done, and that, to me, just says pure dedication in a very subtle way.

I will not be foolish and say that these 2 years will happen in isolation; that what happens, who I know, what I had done, what I would do in pursuit of certain objectives etc. will have zero effect on my life. My life had not entered into limbo the day I enlisted, and salvation will not return on the day I ORD. Such delusions are just defense mechanisms simpler minds would use to deceive oneself into believing that the person they were during the mere 2 years could not possibly be them. This delusion is necessary for them to indulge in behavior they would usually not exhibit, because they think they could unhook themselves from it easily when they've received their Certificate of Service. In more ways than one, these 2 years are gonna have an effect on me that I would not consider detrimental at all.

What surprised me was that I realized that while I'm fighting ignorance and belligerence for those who I care about, they still encounter it nonetheless.

I had done all I did to protect all who I care about, and I will continue to do so as long as there is still breath within me. It hurts me so to see you treated that way. I swore to purge the world of those who would harm you, and I stand by that as long as they exist. If their dreams clash with mine, then they will have to forgive me for what I have to do.

It's not about 'right' and 'wrong'. It's about 'truth' and 'lie', and the truth is pretty ugly most of the time.

You Are the 1980s

You are a larger than life, ambitious person. You believe that you should live big or go home.
You appreciate the bold days of the 1980s, when no one ever toned it down.

You believe in working hard and playing hard. You can't help but love money and nice things.
You are a bit ruthless and power hungry. The one who dies with the most toys wins, right?

What Decade Are You?

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

You Are Spirited and Spontaneous

You are an energetic, passionate person. You are quite impulsive, and your passions tend to change with the wind.
You are lively and fun. You like to stay busy with your various adventures.

You are a wanderer and a traveler. You're curious about the world, and it's hard for you to stay still for too long.
You get bored easily and tend to shirk on your responsibilities. You don't want to grow up yet!

The Autumn Leaf Test

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

Being different is not a crime. Being indifferent is.

2009-09-24T21:18:00.001+08:00

I guess my dieting has finally taken its toll on my body. As all things happen when done in extremis.

If I'm being honest with myself, maybe I was just simply amusing myself.

Well, I can't care less.

It's just...it's tiring sometimes.

The weird paradox is that while having your destiny fixed and known to you would eliminate any desire, want of ambition and hence allowing stagnation to set in, it's also frustrating to have your future in limbo, stuck between two different possible scenarios and, hence, worlds.

On one hand, people might want normalcy in their lives. They resist change and would gladly get into any situation which there is an assurance of minimal change. They can go about their lives without making any effort to stem the flow, submitting to their destinies and their fates. There is little anticipation, if not none at all, of the next day 'cos it's exactly the same. For them;

Life is a 24-hour DVD on repeat. Every. Single. Day. Again. And again. Again. And again. Again. And again. Repeat until dead. Repeat until dead.

On the other hand, there's those who relish the excitement and enthusiasm of the next day. They go about their lives, but seeking to enrich and infuse every waking moment with a sense of anticipation, premonition, unpredictability, dread and significance. However, with this, there's always expectations that the day may or may not live up to, and hence, either celebration or disappointment usually results. For them;

Life is a different movie everyday. Comedy. Tragedy. B-flicks. Fiction. Adventure. Porn. Thriller. Documentary. Chick flicks.

Which brings me back to being tired.

I am sick and tired of being surrounded by people who insist that things are to be done as they always have, despite having been proven ineffective. I am sick and tired of being surrounded by people who are so self-righteous and can never see beyond that minuscule cubicle of theirs. I am sick and tired of having to do what I had to do because no one else have the courage to do it.

The courage to bear all the responsibility; the praise and the blame. Reap what you sow. Everything that comes out of your actions; pride, shame, reward, punishment, result, consequence...it's all yours, and they are yours to bear. Alone. The King shall bear it all alone. And you deserve every agonizing moment of it.

You Are 100% Non Conformist

You're incredibly strange. And a weirdness like yours takes skill to cultivate!
No one really understands you. And you're cool with that. You just hope you never have to understand them!

Are You a Nonconformist?

Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

You Are Indie Rock

You are a very unique individual. People may try to label you as hipster or emo, but you defy all labels.
You like music that's quirky, unusual, and not commercialized. Your taste in music is as eclectic as you are.

You stay true to yourself. You don't like something just because it's popular.
You like songs that are expressive, funny, dark, and / or frank. You don't like songs that were written to be everything to everyone.

What Kind of Rock Are You?

Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

Your Left Part Says You're Creative and Funky

You are naturally artsy and a little kooky. You do and see thing in a very unique way.
Forget marching to the same beat as everyone else... you don't even hear the same beat as everyone else.

You have always been a very independent person. Years ago you stopped even trying to fit it.
Your very comfortable in your own skin. If people can't handle your eccentricities, that's their problem... not yours!

What Does Your Part Say About You?

What Does Your Least Favorite School Subject Say About You?

I parted my hair back in JC...maybe I should revive that.

A photo may speak a thousand words, but what does it say about the photographer?

2009-09-19T21:44:00.003+08:00

'Yay me', starring Daniel Lim!

The cliché is that 'a picture tells a thousand words'. However, a picture also tells a great deal about things other than the focus; the artist, the society he/she belongs to, or the state of the world. For instance, it may be accurate, yet simplistic, to say that artists like to paint apples simply 'cos they like apples. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. Some can draw links to a particular biblical story where an apple was featured prominently.

What I had been doing for the past couple of weeks is to look through photos of people I know. A great deal from Facebook, some from their blogs, some from photo albums long abandoned, and a few I had to take a wee bit extra effort.

Why, you might ask, do I indulge in such a boring activity?

Well, photos of the self are very revealing of the self itself. For instance, I've been informed by a certain someone with a very keen eye that I simply adore photos of myself so much that I had actually made photos of myself as wallpapers on a variety of accessories of mine (next stop; bobble-head me on my office desk!). Maybe it's true that I could be 'haolian'. 'Arrogant'. 'Narcissistic'. Maybe some of these labels could be erroneous, but to the simpletons, as long as it gives them some simple victory at being 'right', then 'right' I'll let them be. Sharper minds, however, will be able to tell so much more.

Yet, the reverse is also true; by examining their photos, it allows me to see aspects of themselves that they may be subconsciously aware of, if not completely unaware at all. It would be foolishly simplistic to even conclude that people like to take group photos to prove to others that they are not friendless or lonely. Their poise, pose, bearing and the composition also draw up ideas and theories about their states of mind, how they view interpersonal relationships or how secure they actually are.

That's why I indulge in such a 'boring activity'. Because it makes a lot of people seem more interesting than they actually are in real life.

Disliking Foreign Languages Says You Are Creative

You are creative, non-conformist, and a rule breaker.
For you, foreign language is too structured. You don't like the exacting standards set in a foreign language class.

You believe that close enough is good enough. You are definitely not a perfectionist.
You're more likely to make up your own language than learn an existing language. You rather create than mimic.

Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

You Are Intense and Brilliant

You're the type of person who can sit all day reading a very difficult and complex book.
You can get lost in a world of ideas. The more nuanced and complicated, the better.

You give a first impression of being totally uninterested in the world. In truth, some aspects of the world interest you immensely.
You are an armchair scholar. You study certain topics deeply until you understand them better than most professors.

The Chair Test

You Should Be With an Air Sign

Your best match is a Gemini, Libra, or Aquarius
You crave excitement and playful banter. Only an air sign can match your wit.

An air sign will keep you on your toes and keep you interested.
Your air sign will bring you fun, excitement, and surprises. Sounds like your perfect playmate!

What Sign Should You Be With?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

You Are North

Like a Viking, you are assertive, decisive, and dominant. You seek power and destroy those in your way.
People admire that you are so confident and independent. You seem to have the world figured out.

Sometimes you come across as pushy and aggressive... not that you mind! You like being seen as tough.
You make a fairly good leader, especially in times that require grit and ruthlessness. You are a warrior.

Are You North, South, East, or West?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

Your Birthday is Pink

You are the dreamy type. You can't help but be an idealist, even if your dreams get crushed from time to time.
You have a vision of how the world should be. You work hard to make life easier and better for people.

You are generous. In fact, you give until it hurts and expect nothing in return.
You are sometimes disappointed. It's discouraging to have such high hopes when things don't work out.

What Color Is Your Birthday?

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

Superiority complex? Cool!

2009-09-14T19:30:00.002+08:00

I like this. It's ingenious. ColorGenics.

You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

All of your dreams and hopes have not materialised and consequently you are unsure of which way to go. This uncertainty has led to considerable stress but you have sufficient 'strength of mind' to overcome this state of affairs although it will take some time.

It is amazing that you yourself believe that old 'adage' that you are a misunderstood person - and you feel that because of this you are being left out in the cold. It is because of this lack of believed understanding that you feel the need to conform to society in general - but this situation leaves you 'cold' knowing that you are not appreciated for your true self. Any relationship that you are developing at this time does not seem to involve any true emotional commitment, you seem to be just playing along.

Whatever has caused the situation, you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet. But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord: you are like the tide, flotsam and jetsam... One minute you experience 'highs' and a few moments later 'lows'. This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and with this demanding attitude - the ideal state you desire is unable to develop. Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts in the belief that this demonstrates your superiority and raises you above the common herd. You are extremely critical of everything that is presently going on around you and you find it difficult to listen to or to take advice from anyone. You enjoy the original, the ingenious and the subtle.

You really like doing what you do and, more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that 'If its not fun - then don't do it'. You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but for what you are - and it seems to be working.

Cool!

Your True Blood Guy is Eggs

You like a guy who's a bit of a bad boy, especially if he's trying to be good for you.
You can't help but be attracted to men who are damaged in some way. You have a strong instinct to take care of lost souls.

You tend to get yourself in trouble with who you love. You'll take the bad with the good, even if there's a fair amount of bad.
If you believe a guy's heart is in the right place, you'll put up with a lot.

Who's Your True Blood Guy?

Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

Let me just live out the present for one day. Just one day.

2009-09-13T21:42:00.002+08:00

When I woke up today, I told myself it has the potential to either be better than last year's, or it may just tank and leave me at home during the evening singing Potential Breakup Song over and over and over again. And again. Well, you get the idea. It's part of the reason why I would 'dread' 13 September. Because even though it may keep piling and piling up, one day it will just come tumbling down simply 'cos it cannot manage to keep up the momentum anymore.

Apart from the sensory feedback some would call pain that I'm feeling all over my physical self, I've never felt better in weeks. Months, in fact. It was as if today had managed to cast off the emotional turmoil I had been feeling, like a 'Reset' button on the remote control for life I would have never believed existed.

I had been so angry at you. So angry at the people around us. So angry at myself. For too long. Were things better left unseen? Better left unsaid? Better left not felt at all? No. I had not forgotten what it meant to have something to fight for. Just merely lapsed. All of you are why I do what I do, and I will never defend what I did.

This year was a great reminder for me. Family and Friends. Those of the same bloodline as me, and those of another bloodline I had adopted as part of my own. Brothers. Comrades. Life's best presents are hardly ever tangible (even if they may be huge cash mountains), and maybe, sometimes, life is best lived unplanned.

Let me just live out today for one day. Just one day.

You Are a Despot

You're dominant and powerful. You always need to be in charge.
While others respect your competence, you can be a bit of a dictator.
Hard working and serious, you never let yourself down.
You are exact and accurate - and you expect others to be the same way.

Your strength: You always get the job done

Your weakness: You're a perfectionist to a fault

Your power color: Gray

Your power symbol: Checkmark

Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

If the king doesn't move, he cannot expect his subjects to follow

2009-09-12T11:34:00.003+08:00

I had an interesting conversation yesterday. Of course it's nothing I didn't already know, but to hear it from someone else is another thing all together. You cannot defend something that is not wrong. You cannot repudiate something that which is not false. You cannot deny that which is not a mere daydream.

Oh, and when I smile, I appear to be smirking, apparently. I don't really mind. Kinda like my hero, Lelouch.

Good and Evil are not part of a dichotomous scale. I do not consider being different as an Evil in fact. If we blindly accept that we all have to conform and be the same, how is that different from being sheep? If I cannot be a shepherd, I rather be a black sheep than one of the herd.

Power is just the means to an end, and that end is what we make of it. If no one dares take power, should no one take power? Monkeys refusing to climb a ladder because of fables meant to instill fear and impose obedience. Everyone desires free will but only a handful are courageous enough to take it. No, I cannot do it. I must not do it. Because it's wrong. IT'S WRONG.

How is it that it purportedly takes fewer muscles to smile than it is to frown, when people frown when they are relaxed and they think no one is looking? Push the frown towards the smile and it becomes a smirk. Isn't it better to smirk than maintain a false smile that is just there for political correctness?

You cannot claim right and wrong to a question that never had, never has and will never have an answer. Without the mask, where will you hide? People may tell the truth for malice, and others may tell the lie for goodwill. Caught up in stereotypes and adages, people forget that a world without change is a world not worth living.

I will not snap my fingers even if the prosperity of the world depends on it. If humans do not struggle, complacency will set in and we will hit the evolutionary dead end.

You Believe That You're Fearless

You may not be the strongest person, but you have a lot of perseverance.
You don't give up easily, and you're in it for the long run. You have incredible endurance.

You respect people who are brave and try to do their best. Effort counts for a lot in your book.
You have no respect for people who are paralyzed by their fears. In your opinion, that's just a life wasted.

The Horns Test